Another Day

Well Babe, tomorrow will be 4 months since I lost you. The kids and I made it through your burial, mother's day and your birthday. As much as I'd like to say things have been easier, so far some days are just better than others, but you're always on my mind and in my heart. Some days I'm able to go out and take walks with friends and smile for awhile but most of the time I don't feel like being around other people. I keep bringing you up in conversations and when I hear friends tell me about how their marraiges are having problems for whatever reason I'm at a loss for words. All I can do is think that they at least have the option of talking things out or walking away knowing the option is still there and it makes me angry inside to hear them complain so I keep my advice to myself. When I hear them talk about being lonely in their marraige, quite honestly I feel like telling them to leave then and stop their damn complaining. I don't think they really know the meaning of lonliness like we do here at DS.                                                                                                                        The cemetery phoned last week to say your plaque is almost ready and will be sometime this week.While they complain about their spouses I have to go and look at your plaque and cry over an empty peice of soil. just doesn't seem fair but maybe I'm in the anger stage at the moment.
I thought about going out back tonight and lighting the chimenia because it's a cool night out with a bright full moon, one that would have been perfect for us, but sitting out there alone with the dog just seems lonlier than ever. This is one of those nights when not having you here is crushing. I don't know any other way to describe it. I need to hold you and tell you how much I love you to your face but all I can do is look at your picture and talk to you till I choke up.
Wherever you are right now sweetheart, I hope you're safe and happy. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy again until I'm with you. I know life goes on and we have to make the best of it. I'll do the best I can but no one will ever be able to take your place.  I love you with all my heart and would give pretty much anything just to hold you and kiss you, and tell you to your face how much you'll always mean to me, even for a few minutes.
You're always in my thoughts, and my heart babe and please know how much I love you and will always love you.



Mike, I just read this again and am in tears. So beautifully spoken. Crushing is the right word.
I so share what\'s in your heart for your beloved wife.
That moon, those stars, your chiminea. I am sending you a big hug across the sky and hoping for both of us that sitting under a moonlight canopy will be possible again someday without feeling overwhelmed with loss and sadness.
That\'s my prayer.
xo BB

Mike I feel your pain and loneliness. You are so right I don`t think we will ever experience the happiness we once had and the thought of that is so hopeless. I have had a few signs that make me believe our loved ones are watching over us until we can see them again. Sending you healing hugs,
Lu Ann