Why
Should I be starting to accept that you're gone? I thought I was accepting it it but today I looked at your picture and broke down again. I know you're not coming back but I can't believe it, or maybe I refuse to believe it. It hurts too much to believe that I won't be able to see you or touch you and it's knocking me lower and lower. It's draining me day by day and today is a really bad one.
Even people I considered close friends have made some stupid remarks about moving on. One was surprised that I didn't want to go to a concert next week. You've been gone for five weeks and he said my problem is that I just can't deal with change. That's one idiot I won't waste time on anymore. I'm just angry at everything right now. The one that calls herself your best friend has been talking to me and telling me that it's worse for the kids because their mother is gone. You and I talked and we both knew you didn't consider her your best friend but she keeps saying you'd want her to do this or that for us. She told me to tell the kids to call her and I did but they don't want to talk to her so she tells me again. The kids are adults and I'm always there for them but I have to deal with my own pain as well. I want her to mind her own business and leave us alone and she's almost pushy to the point that I'm gonna have to tell her to back off and leave us alone. I just know if I do it now it's not going to be in a nice way. She keeps saying we should have a coffee and talk but she's never lost anyone. She has both parents, her kids, her husband and she keeps saying she knows how I feel, because she lost her best friend.
Sharon I can't believe how much this hurts. I need you in my life so much and I don't know how much more I can take. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm 10 years older than you and I was supposed to be the first one to go. You were my life. What am I supposed to do now? Everytime I look at your picture it crushes me. I can't look at your picture, I can't sleep in the bed, and I just want people to leave me alone. Waking up is a chore I'm so tired of because it's another day without you. I keep hearing that it gets easier but how can it. We did so much together. I could keep venting but it won't do any good.
I love you so much babe and I don't have words to describe how much I miss you and need you. I just don't have the words.
Mike
Even people I considered close friends have made some stupid remarks about moving on. One was surprised that I didn't want to go to a concert next week. You've been gone for five weeks and he said my problem is that I just can't deal with change. That's one idiot I won't waste time on anymore. I'm just angry at everything right now. The one that calls herself your best friend has been talking to me and telling me that it's worse for the kids because their mother is gone. You and I talked and we both knew you didn't consider her your best friend but she keeps saying you'd want her to do this or that for us. She told me to tell the kids to call her and I did but they don't want to talk to her so she tells me again. The kids are adults and I'm always there for them but I have to deal with my own pain as well. I want her to mind her own business and leave us alone and she's almost pushy to the point that I'm gonna have to tell her to back off and leave us alone. I just know if I do it now it's not going to be in a nice way. She keeps saying we should have a coffee and talk but she's never lost anyone. She has both parents, her kids, her husband and she keeps saying she knows how I feel, because she lost her best friend.
Sharon I can't believe how much this hurts. I need you in my life so much and I don't know how much more I can take. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm 10 years older than you and I was supposed to be the first one to go. You were my life. What am I supposed to do now? Everytime I look at your picture it crushes me. I can't look at your picture, I can't sleep in the bed, and I just want people to leave me alone. Waking up is a chore I'm so tired of because it's another day without you. I keep hearing that it gets easier but how can it. We did so much together. I could keep venting but it won't do any good.
I love you so much babe and I don't have words to describe how much I miss you and need you. I just don't have the words.
Mike
Replies
No one knows how this feels unless they have lost the love of their life. I don\'t know why people want to say they know how we feel. I have the most respect for the ones that just say, \"I am sorry and I have no idea how you feel.\" I am so sorry you had a bad day. I had one too. I know that everything we are feeling is a normal part of this process and we will each go through this journey in our own way. All we can hope is that tomorrow will be a little bit better. Hugs to you, Dawn
Mike,
I remember what it felt like at 5 weeks. You are in the greatest pain you will ever be in. Tell the \"best friend\" that you need space - that you want to be alone\" and when you are ready (if you are ever ready) you will give her a call. Tell her nicely and if she doesn\'t back off tell her not so nicely. She DOES NOT know how you feel and is an idiot to say that. Loosing your spouse is bone crushing hard. My husband was my best friend, my lover, my confident. We worked together, played together, lived and loved together. It is a nightmare. But I\'m here to tell you it will get just a bit easier each and every day. Not in weeks, but in months... You will always cry for your beautiful wife. You will always hold her in your heart. But I promise, the grief waves will lessen (they will still come) but they won\'t last as long and won\'t always bring you to your knees. I\'m at 8 months. I miss my husband everyday, but I can tell you that the pain is just a bit less intense than it was at 5 weeks.
Blessings as you travel this road. It\'s not easy, it\'s not pretty and no one wants to go down it. But we have to. Until we all meet again.
Linda
Thank you so much for taking the time to write those words. This forum is one of the only things that helps me keep my sanity at the moment, and without people like you I don\'t know how I\'d get through each day.
Your children have their lives and go about the business of living them. Your wife was your life and your pain is so completely different and overwhelming than any others could relate to. Friend just do not know what to do for us. For them to see our grief may even be a aha moment for them as death is a fact of life and there but for the grace of God it could be them suffering this pain. At five weeks you are just now having moments where the actuality is hitting you. You are alone without the one person you need comfort from gone. Turning to others for comfort leaves you empty because there is no comfort at five weeks. Functioning is an effort, breathing is an effort. The minutes seem like hours and the hours go so slowly you think tomorrow will never come and sleep, if you can, is your only escape from this all. I am at one year five months and looking back can\'t imagine how fast it all went by. I have had laughter and happiness since and function well but I miss my best friend and partner. DS has been the greatest help. Communicating with others who KNEW and understood really helped me to cope.
Hang in there..a classic statement but one that rings true. You will go through a lot of grief and pain but in time it does ease.
May God bless you with peace.
Linda
Mike,
We all here honestly do know how you feel - we say that and we mean it with our hearts because we are all on the same journey with you. Unless someone has lost a spouse, it is not possible to truly \"get it\"; to truly feel the pain; to truly understand the depth of loss that you feel. I don\'t know how I would have gotten through those first few weeks and months without my friends here at DS.
I don\'t remember much about my first 5 weeks - I know that I was numb. I functioned as well as I could, but the fog was just too all-consuming. I didn\'t think that the sharp pain in my stomach, the hole in my heart, the overwhelming sadness and the tears would ever diminish.
I am now at almost 11 months and I\'ll admit - I have those days where I cry a lot, but they are fewer and farther in between. I miss my husband, my partner, my love with every ounce of my being - but I can now look at his photos, our photos and smile more than I cry. I smile at the memories, at the love and happiness that I see on his face - and I know without a doubt that he is with me and that we will be together once again someday.
I wish I could say something that would make the pain any less.........but right now, there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will make that happen. You have lost part of yourself........and that is not something that you \"get over\". I\'ve said that I\'m not \"moving on\" - I\'m \"moving through\", moving through my pain, my grief, one baby step at a time. Sometimes it\'s two steps forward and three steps back, but that\'s all just part of the journey, I\'m afraid.
Please come here often - everyone is here to help and comfort and understand. Wishing you a bit of peace today. Sending a hug,
Chris
Mike,
I\'m so glad you feel free to vent on the DS site. No matter where we are on this horrendous journey, it helps to be able to say exactly how we feel to those who have already experienced the worse loss that can ever be imagined. There are no shortcuts from point A to point B, just pitfalls along the way until a destination appears with more clarity.
Mike, the want and need for your Sharon will always be with you, but the difference that time will make is how you\'re able to handle it. There will always be sweet tears of remembrance; but as has already been said, you will smile more than you will cry. The smiles will come from the blessing that your Sharon was to your life.
Please be patient with yourself and permit the tears and grief. They are an essential part of the healing process; and, yes, healing does occur in spite of the ache in our hearts. The comments from some of your friends are spoken in total ignorance of what your life is like without Sharon. Someday down the road, they will be embarrassed if they remember their superficial remarks. If you need to, stay clear of those who pull you down and surround yourself with those who encourage you. Keep checking in with DS, allowing us the opportunity to help or share. Every one of us on DS was at the 5-week mark, and we are here as a testimony to what perseverance can producethe faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Blessings to you as you travel toward that light and little by little start experiencing hope once again. TJ
Mike, it has been over 4 months for me and I am struggling too. I have received so much good advice from the wonderful people on this site. Coming here regularily makes me feel like I am not alone and there are people out there that understand what we are going through. God knows my friends and family don`t understand. They just want me to be the happy fun loving person I was before Larry died. I don`t get as angry at them as I used to because now I know they just don`t get it...and can`t unless you have been there. My heart goes out to you, thinking and praying for you, Hugs Lu Ann
Take your time and do what is best for you. People will always tell us what we should do but it seems to be about what they need us to do to make them feel better. We sometimes get lost along the way. Be very gentle with yourself ((hugs)) Patricia