It's 11:30 pm and tomorrow I will be 3 weeks into this hell. Tonight was a rough one. I was reflecting and the future is too hard to think about. I just want to hear my wife's voice telling me she loves or misses me, or even give me heck about something I forgot to do. I find myself angry at the smallest things and find it so hard to get myself up in the morning. I have to let the dog out and feed her or I'd probably just stay in bed. How do you handle the pain?
I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 weeks because I can't bring myself to sleep in the bedroom yet. I said I would take care of my baby and now I'm here and she's gone. It isn't right. I feel completely helpless and she told me I was always the the strong one.
I read post after post here and my heart truly goes out to everyone but I don't know how you go from one day to the next. Every time I think of the plans we had I think of how much we take every moment for granted, thinking we always have tomorrow.
Now I'm empty and it feels like there's a truck parked on my chest. Tomorrow will come too soon and I want her to know how much I love and miss her but I can't tell her.
I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 weeks because I can't bring myself to sleep in the bedroom yet. I said I would take care of my baby and now I'm here and she's gone. It isn't right. I feel completely helpless and she told me I was always the the strong one.
I read post after post here and my heart truly goes out to everyone but I don't know how you go from one day to the next. Every time I think of the plans we had I think of how much we take every moment for granted, thinking we always have tomorrow.
Now I'm empty and it feels like there's a truck parked on my chest. Tomorrow will come too soon and I want her to know how much I love and miss her but I can't tell her.
Replies
I am so sorry for your loss .. we all understand and know your pain. It\'s best to not think too far into the future .. it is just too overwhelming. Focus on getting through each day, hour or even minute. My husband passed away 10 months ago and I still don\'t look beyond \"today\".
Sleep on the couch as long as you need to. You will know when it will be time to sleep in bed again. Don\'t let anyone tell you how or what you should be doing. Grief is very personal and should be worked through at your own pace.
It truly amazes me that I have survived without Rob for 10 months .. talking with a friend from here we realized that time moves so quickly but yet seems like an eternity since we\'ve been without our husbands. The thing is .. time has stopped for us since we lost our spouses .. at least that is how it feels. Our world is forever changed while the rest of the world continues on.
I\'m glad you found this site .. it has been such a blessing for me and I don\'t think I would have made it these past 10 months without my friends here. I hope you find the same support & comfort.
Keeping you in thought & prayer,
Pam
I am so sorry for your pain. I am a little over 3 months into this journey, and I have to tell you that it is a tiny bit better. I recall the first months, and the pain you are describing. It is normal. We each have to get through this in our own way. Sleep on the couch as long as you need to do so. I slept in my bed, on my husband\'s side, since the night after he passed, only because my daughter slept with me. I could not have faced that bed by myself. Take care of yourself, it is normal not to want to do anything during this time. Your mind and body are busy with the work of grief, and it is hard work. Go easy on yourself and remember we are here for you. Thinking of you, Dawn
Mike, I am so sorry for your loss. You can tell the love you have for your wife and it saddens us all when new members have to join us here.
I am almost 3 months into this. My husband, Jeff, passed away Dec.14, 2010.
I do sleep in our bed, but I pile pillows on his side so I can not sleep there. I do not want to feel the emptiness of his side of the bed.
I promise, it does get easier. Yes, I still feel a hole in my heart and soul without him. Yes, I would give anything to have him here with me again. But, I know that is not the way it is and so I have to move forward. Even in the tiniest of steps. I have to live the way Jeff would have wanted me to. I am just now taking care of my own health now. I forgot to do that.
Please reach out to any of us here when you need someone just to vent to, scream at, cry to, share laughs and memories. We are all in this together. And I can say for myself, this connection has probably saved my life.
Peace and light. You are in my prayers.
Liz