It's 11:30 pm and tomorrow I will be 3 weeks into this hell. Tonight was a rough one. I was reflecting and the future is too hard to think about. I just want to hear my wife's voice telling me she loves or misses me, or even give me heck about something I forgot to do. I find myself angry at the smallest things and find it so hard to get myself up in the morning. I have to let the dog out and feed her or I'd probably just stay in bed. How do you handle the pain?
I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 weeks because I can't bring myself to sleep in the bedroom yet. I said I would take care of my baby and now I'm here and she's gone. It isn't right. I feel completely helpless and she told me I was always the the strong one.
I read post after post here and my heart truly goes out to everyone but I don't know how you go from one day to the next. Every time I think of the plans we had I think of how much we take every moment for granted, thinking we always have tomorrow.
Now I'm empty and it feels like there's a truck parked on my chest. Tomorrow will come too soon and I want her to know how much I love and miss her but I can't tell her.