Today is March 3rd. It will be 3 weeks this monday since the light of my life passed away and I stumble through each day still hoping that I'm in some terrible nightmare.
I know it's all too real though and I know that anyone who reads this has an understanding of where I am right now. We had our ups and downs as all marraiges do but we were in a great place now and were looking forward to moving out to the country shortly and getting on with the next chapter of our lives. About 6 months ago my wife picked out a dog for us and she loved her. Now I am left with the dog and don't have the heart to give her away becuse I truly don't believe my wife would want that. It's an extra burden I don't need now but it does get me out for awhile every day or I would probably just lie here day in and day out. When we're in the park and the dog does something funny the first thing I think of is that "I'll have to let sharon know what she just did", but I can't let her know and never will be able to ler know.
I don't want to see people or hear any more condolences from those who mean well. One of her friends has been getting on my nerves and keeps phoning to see how I'm doing and to tell me to make sure I get out each day and if there's anything she can do, etc... The extent of her pain is "she lost her best friend" and while that is painful, I have lost friends and it in no way compares to the loss I feel now. People mean well but right now I just want my privacy.
I am glad I found this site because I can see that people here can actually understand what I'm going through because the only way to understand something is experience it first hand. This is something that no one should have to experience first hand.
The one positive thing that has come into this so far is that I'm no longer afraid of death and whatever it brings, hopefully it will bring me back to her.
It's my oldest daughter's birthday on March 10th and she and my wife were supposed to go out clothes shopping for her birthday. Now it will just be the two of us and I think it will be a an empty experience of just going through the motions.
I know it's all too real though and I know that anyone who reads this has an understanding of where I am right now. We had our ups and downs as all marraiges do but we were in a great place now and were looking forward to moving out to the country shortly and getting on with the next chapter of our lives. About 6 months ago my wife picked out a dog for us and she loved her. Now I am left with the dog and don't have the heart to give her away becuse I truly don't believe my wife would want that. It's an extra burden I don't need now but it does get me out for awhile every day or I would probably just lie here day in and day out. When we're in the park and the dog does something funny the first thing I think of is that "I'll have to let sharon know what she just did", but I can't let her know and never will be able to ler know.
I don't want to see people or hear any more condolences from those who mean well. One of her friends has been getting on my nerves and keeps phoning to see how I'm doing and to tell me to make sure I get out each day and if there's anything she can do, etc... The extent of her pain is "she lost her best friend" and while that is painful, I have lost friends and it in no way compares to the loss I feel now. People mean well but right now I just want my privacy.
I am glad I found this site because I can see that people here can actually understand what I'm going through because the only way to understand something is experience it first hand. This is something that no one should have to experience first hand.
The one positive thing that has come into this so far is that I'm no longer afraid of death and whatever it brings, hopefully it will bring me back to her.
It's my oldest daughter's birthday on March 10th and she and my wife were supposed to go out clothes shopping for her birthday. Now it will just be the two of us and I think it will be a an empty experience of just going through the motions.
Replies
I am so sorry for your loss. This journey is so painful. My husband passed away suddenly on November 23, 2010. I still miss him so much. But I do have to say, that eventually, we do make progress on this journey. It is hard. I know what you mean about wanting to tell her things that happen. I still do. So I talk to my husband all the time, just like he is here. I talk to him in the car, in the house, at night before I go to bed, I still talk to him about everything. Sometimes it makes me feel a little better, and I know he hears me. I am wishing you peace during this tough time and I hope that people give you what you need, even if it is being left alone. Hugs to you, Dawn
I\'m so sorry for your loss, you just have to take it one day at a time. and try not to think so much. were all here to help you through this. Hugs to You. Debbie
My condolences on the loss of your wife...DS is a good place to find a bit of comfort and support from those who truly understand the pain and grief you bear....I for one can relate to the wanting to be left alone...I felt that way in the early stages...I told everyone when my husband passed that once the funeral was over, I was going home and did not want to be bothered...no visitors, no phone calls, no contact...I needed time alone to process the reality of my loss....most honored my wishes; those who didn\'t were politely, but firmly, told that I was not ready to talk to or see anyone yet....I would contact them when I was ready to \"rejoin\" the outside world....Grieving is as individual as we are...do whatever you feel you need to do to get through these dark times....I assure there, there is light at the end of the tunnel...I pray you will see it sooner than you expect.
Blessings, & Hugs, ~E~