17 weeks 3 days

It feels wierd to write an update now that I'm pregnant when so much of my energy was focused on getting pregnant before. It still feels unreal, like I'm going to wake up one day and this will all have been a dream. My husband and I went to our first Bradley Method class today. It's all about natural childbirth with no drugs. I'm very much into an all natural lifestyle, no shampoo, make my own deodorant, face wash, lotion, sunscreen, shaving cream, etc...so this is right up my alley. Going through IVF was really hard when it came to all the medications so I am going to try to get back into my all natural ways and that includes my birth plan. I am super excited but also nervous, we are delivering in a hospital so if something does go wrong we'll be in good hands.
I also feel like I haven't bonded to this baby yet because I am terrified something will go wrong. So my brain I guess is thinking that if I don't bond and something does go wrong it won't be as bad as if I'm bonded. It is irrational I know but it is stopping me from bonding. I am hoping next month when we find out the gender, it will help me feel more attached.