17 Month Update

Greetings, friends. Having just pasted our 17th monthverrsary of dday, I thought I would post something since it has been a few months.
Not a lot of new things to report. On the affair front, we are still doing well. Gabi continues to improve and we're focusing on the future. That said, the scars are there. Just two days ago, I briefly lamented my losses. Not so much an "AHHHHHHHH!", but more of a *sigh*. And affects from the affair still hit on occasion.
Yesterday, my wife usually goes to a client by 12:30 pm. Usually she will call and talk to me on her way from the previous job to that one. So I texted her shortly after 12 noon that I was available. I received no reply or call. I busied myself, thinking she was likely busy with something or talking to someone, and she would call soon. Next time I looked at my watch, I noticed it was about 12:21. 
I began wondering where she was. And the very first thing that popped into my mind was, "What if she's at the OM's house! That's why she's not calling!" Now, I knew there was probably a good explanation why she hadn't called or responded to my text. I knew the likelihood of her being with the OM was very small. And indeed, once she did call, I found out she was in a frantic hurry to finish the house she was doing, because her next client isn't very happy with her being late. So she couldn't stop to respond to the text or call because she was in a rush. But she called on her way back to her client as usual, just nearly 30 minutes later than normal.
But I thought about the reality that before the A, such a thought would have never entered my mind. How shocked I was on dday only goes to show that. Even though I suspected she was playing fast and loose on the Internet with guys, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that she would actually be in love with another man and having sex with him behind my back. My innocent trust in her was totally shattered that day.
And the fact that when this happened, my first thought is now, "She's with the OM," shows how damaged that trust is. Despite her valiant efforts to rebuild that trust, to the point I really don't worry that much about it anymore, yet when anything even creates a shadow of what happened before, I involuntarily react with such a thought. Like an accident victim, I flinch when a car looks like it might do the same thing as the one that hit me, whereas before, you assume they will stop, and are surprised if they don't.
And I imagine this will be with me for years. Maybe the rest of our marriage. The wound has healed for me, but there is still a red and blistered scar there. Still healing, even though a lot of healing has taken place. I lament that the trust I had before is gone. I hate it that such is the first thought I have when I don't know where she is or what she's doing. But that is the reality now. Learn to live with it.
On the positive side, our marriage has never been stronger. We both still spend a lot of time with each other. I still go to the gym with her nearly every night and we swim together. I still go every week to the grocery store with her. And it has become such a part of my life now, I'd hate to give any of that up. I enjoy being with her more. It has become the new normal, and so far, I'm very happy with new normal. Even though I had losses, I've had gains as well. And while the gains don't justify the losses, it at least makes them hold some value instead of being a total loss.
On the writing front, I've still not written a lot of fiction. But I did write one short story not too long ago. The second full fiction short story I've written since dday. Next month, November, is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I've got an idea for a story, it should be fun, and fill in a third novel in a series I have going. So I'm going to devote doing NaNo this year to get back into writing again. Last year was a bomb. I did it the first week, did get five chapters written, but then I couldn't continued, so turned to writing a non-fiction book I was working on. So this year, I'm hoping for the first time since dday, of writing a full novel again. Will let you know how that goes. It may prime the pump to get me going again full steam.
On the job front, still unemployed. Been so for 15 months now. But I do have a "job" of sorts, though it may be a while before I actually can make a living off of it. I've been studying for an insurance licensing test, casualty and property, and taken the test once. I failed by 1 question (ug), and will be retaking it next week. Once that is in place and I have my license, I'll be installed as the "district manager" for the area where I live. Of course, I need to actually sell some policies before I can make any money, but the title looks good. :)
And on my affair book: Have a good bit of the story part done. I have one more chapter to write, mostly dealing with the events after dday and how rebuilding went. I think we are on schedule to get this published by our second dday anniversary. I tend to work on it in spurts, and there is a lot of editing to be done on it. But it is moving forward.
Our biggest question is in telling friends and family before or when it gets published. Most of them won't be that big a deal, mostly because we might only see them on occasion. The bigger group to tell that will be hard are the folks at church. We will be talking with our priest about it, but we've not come down on the best way to do it. Gather the adults together and spill the beans? Or just announce we have a new book about infidelity, see us if you have any questions, or better yet, buy and read the book? Or say nothing and let people find out on their own as it happens. They all have their pluses and minuses. 
Yet, that group is also the most needed for that discussion. Our priest has alluded to the fact that we are not the only ones in the parish in that situation. By being open about what has happened to us, I'm sure some of those folk will not only buy and read the book, but will want to talk with us about it. It can open some doors to ministry in that church, and maybe beyond. Who knows. But how to break the ice won't be an easy question to deal with. Both to be sensitive to the younger people there, as well as tell it in such a way that once the shock is past, that most will still respect Gabi, knowing what she's done to heal. 
We have some saints in our church history who have committed this sin, one in the Bible (who Jesus forgave when they wanted to stone her), not to mention King David. So there is some noteworthy examples of saints who overcame this destructive sin. I consider Gabi to be right up there with them. And such valor in the face of guilt and pain deserves respect.
But there will no doubt be those who may lose respect for her, maybe even shun her. Who knows. We have to leave that in God's hands. But I will say this. The fact that Gabi is willing to be "outed" like this in order that others may learn and rebuild successfully, knowing some will look down on her, is just another example of her saintly love and humility.
Gabrielle, I love you. I always will. Thank you for saving me and our marriage. Not just so we could survive, but so we could thrive. I'll always appreciate what you have done post dday as much, if not more, than how much I hate what you were doing pre-dday. You're a jewel. My jewel. Forged in the fires of guilt and repentance and love. And you are shining very brightly now. Very brightly, indeed.