And down and down I go. This the sadest I have felt since in the hospital.  I picked up Luna's pills them took myself to a movie - after that I was super close to 2 great stores that I wanted to look at for accent pieces in my living room. As I walked across the street to the first store I realized how sad and weak I felt. I pushed through and wandered around.  Then I headed over to one of the most beautiful stores in the world...also depressingly the most expensive - ABC Carpet.  Again...I dragged myself around the store mainly looking for accent pillows - everything I liked was over $300 and I could afford about $75.  My mood got worse and worse.  I picked up dinner and headed home.  I tried to give Luna her pill (that I will now need to give her everyday for the rest of her life) and I realized I just could not do it. I physically could not do it.  She is going to be a nightmare with this. This just made my mood worse...I mean REALLY dark and sad.  I decided to just go to bed (it was too much to deal with) - it was 8:00pm and I sobbed.  I slept for about 2 hours.  I am really upset.  I once again for hopeless.  I hurt.  I really tried to take myself outside and do things...and I just feel fucking worse.  Damn it.