I feel an important friendship slipping away.  Ashley is very dear to me...but between her stress and mine there is a pull from her that is firm and rejecting.  I am pissed.  She was my biggest supporter when I went on medical leave, as much as she feared it for me (she feared I would lose my job and that would get in the way of her being supportive at times).  Now that she has major real drama going on in her life she herself is acting manic and is being down right rude to me.  She uses my illness as an excuse not to share her pain, when she most likely just feels judged by me, so she doesn't want to share.  She is projecting her fears on me and they are not based on reality. I am here to support her, even if I am sick.  We had a pretty bad fight a few weeks ago and I saw a very selfish side of her.  Since then things have been odd between us.  She has put shallow friends before me, only because she feels I will always need to discuss the heavy stuff with her.  I just need to check-in.  She has completely shut me out.  She is short with me on the phone and irratated.  She doesn't really want to know how I am and she is no longer there for me.  She has walked away.  Every 4 days or so I will get a text message saying, "how are you today".  How do I answer that? I am STILL not good.  There is little progress - but if you would come see me and spend sometime you would help me a bit.  I know this sounds selfish from me, but I went on this journey because I felt it was safe to.  That I had friends who would support me.  She was such a rockstar in the beginning...but she is not seeing it through...she does that with some projects.  I have supported her to see major life changes through.  With that said, she has some MAJOR life issues going on...but that does not mean we cannot be there for eachother.  She has 100% of her time for her boyfriend...when the reality is....he will not be there forever.  I never thought anything would drive us apart. I told her this a few times...as she does tend to push friends away.  I just don't know how we recover from this.  Unfortunatly I cannot even bring this up right now, as I usually like to deal direct with people when there is an issue...I think if one more thing were to hurt her she would snap.  So I have to keep my mouth shut.  Our other best friend Kate, is out of town until the end of July...this has made it so much harder. Speaking of dealing direct.  I waited for my hormones to calm down before telling my brother how I feel about his not calling me in 2 months (in an email).  I think he does not know what is happening with me and it terrifies him. He wasn't there for me when I had cancer either...but we were npot close then...not that that make it ok. We just finally developed a relationship 2 years ago (thanks to his divorce...and I was VERY much there for him as he hit bottom HARD)...and I will be damned if I am going to lose him due to BP.  He needs to man up and call me, even if it freaks him out.  We had a painful childhood - but we are adults now.  I am an amazing aunt to his son, and I could be there so much more if he would let me in.  Max calls me and misses me. He is really missing out on a great relationship due to the wall he has around him.