While writing in my "real life" journal in bed last night - I learned a ton more about my poor sleep and how far it goes back. Man - it made me cry...HARD.  My Mom really tried to create a pretty room for me before she died...and all it did was make me miss her.  I remember lying awake terrified of everything.  I surrounded myself with over 75 stuffed animals - hoping they would keep me safe.  I would lie there for hours...wondering if my Mom was really dead...or did she just leave me.  I was 6. No surprise...my sleep sucked last night and I did not leave the house today.  Feeling quite alone...many friends out of town for the holiday week and my doctor's too.  My plan to start a Day Program next week is out...hopefully the week after.  Just hitting a few road blocks today.  PMS is also starting to kick in I think. I suffer from PMDD - but I am on YAZ which has changed my life - only the stress of the last few months and the med changes have effected my hormones I think.