Hmmmm.  I'm feeling a little bit emotional.  In fact, I might cry.  Have been to bed, tried to sleep, but nothing's happening.  Gareth keeps entering my head.  I know I've got to organise his Gala night to raise funds for CAN and to celebrate what would have been his 30th birthday so maybe that's playing on my mind.  I just keep getting memories of him, one after the other.  Working at Turner's, nights out in town, my 21st birthday, working in France, Cyprus....  And although most of this stuff happened 4-10 years ago, remembering it seems like only yesterday.  It's so vivid and I feel like I could go back there.  It's soooo disappointing when I realise I can't.It's not even 4 months since he died, but it seems like forever ago.  I know where he died, but I can't bring myself to go there.  It's only in town.  Maybe I'll go one day with Steve.  That said, it still seems like it hasn't happened, like I could ring him and arrange a night out or to go somewhere outrageous on a whim.  Is it weird to think that perhaps he was always destined to only have a short time here?  I mean, he changed the direction my life was going in and he lived for the moment.  I just miss him so, so much, he was like the brother I never had.  We argued like it too...I've got regrets about that, but his mum did say that he was happy we'd met up again and laughed about old times.  At least we didn't part on bad terms.  That is one thing I'm thankful for.