Weary

I went to counseling last night and my counselor is glad I am leaving my job at the end of next week. I am too. I am making a lot of mistakes and the facilitator of my grief group said I should get to a place where I don't have to be "on" all the time. Teachers can't hide in an office or ask someone to hold their calls. We are out there for all to see. I do care about my students. I haven't had the opportunity to get to know the staff here. I am always wroking. This will be my 5th retirement. I don't want to go back in a classroom until my brain works again. I am very tired of the 5:00 in the A.M. drill too. I have had some mentions of people who will help me gat a job if I need it. I am going to try to:
Get J's memorial service set up
maintain house (very old)
Keep bees (we took a course last year)
plant some trees
sleep
Like a lot of peopel here I look forward to the day I can rejoin J in Heaven. Until then I'll try to make mayself useful at a local wetlands and on a bike trail, cleaning,etc. I don't plan on doing anything big. I still have a lot of paperwork to do. One bank is very reluctant to let go of an investment account that I have decided to move, but I think they will eventually. What annoys me most is getting bills, checks in James' name from doctors and businesses that have been informedand in some cases given official death certificates. I know it is not personal but....
Thank goodness for the list of things not to say to widows/widowers. It allowed me to see the humor in some things.
I am grateful for:
DS members
my computer
enough $
dogs and cats
friends
car that works
Spring?