sadness

I have had a rough day. can't concentrate at work, came home to a pile of bill including some inscutable billing system from the telephone and internet provider. They send me paper copies of bills only when they are about to shut off services and I don't know how my husband was paying online. I can't find any of his sign in info. I also am tired and a friend with demntia has called four times to verify that I am picking her up at 7:30. I cry in the bathroom at school and pace around the house asking God why I can't die too. I don't mean to sound melodramatic - I am not suicidal, but even so. ...
I have better days but some days I want to curl up and die. This is one. I know there are others out there too. I know God will help me through. He's got to.