confused
I cant believe you said it was ok to stay at your house to be secure. Then tell me I act like I am drugs (prescription) I was really feeling normal and still am but I have heard I am homeless even though I pay 400'00 rent. Shush me when I say a few things during tv almost everyday. That I need to cut my hair because I look 60 when I am 49 because I have shoulder length white hair. I like it because its me. Beauticians say it looks awesome. You have nothing nice to say. Then the low blow. Started dating a guy who is just like me and he wants to take me out dancing and wants to get me a dress and shoes so that I can belong to his dance class and so I can feel beautiful. and you tell me I am selling myself. Does that mean prostitution? I came to feel safe and at home with people who were so supportive. I am totally confused.
Replies
Here I go again...... Everytime I feel better I get hit again. I moved out trying to get away with all the negative stuff. Then my kids are all messed up. Drugs etc. I sit here alone but I guess atleast I know I will make it through. I have Pneumonia which probably does not help. Mr. Wonderful is still around but I keep pushing him away. He keeps telling me how I am perfect and all these plans he has. I have only known him for a month. Way too much pressure. So I told him. We will see how well thay goes. I am just not ready for a relationship yet. I just left the man I loved2 months ago or less. I do not regret it. When he holds me I feel safe until all the other talk comes about future . I just want to be held, safe, Noworries of a relationship. Slow...... I have always needed a man to make me feel whole and just jumped in. I cant do it this time. Part of me is proud for not rushing, But it is scary wondering what lies ahead. I started volunteering boom Pnemonia. He wants to take care of me financially but I feel guilty because I am not sure how I feel. He is a good guy but does not know when to quit pushing. Wants to make sure I know his intentions . No guessing, Whichis exactly what I always wanted. Why cant I deal with it? Everyone is betting I wont make it on my own. Shame on them..... I have made it through years of torture and confusion how can this be harder? I can only hope that this is not like last time I kived alone when all my kids moved out. That is when PTSD threw its ugly head and thrashed me with my past that I had held in so long. Because I was so strong. Now I have emotions which makes it much harder. It was much easier being tough.....