Happy Wednesday everyone!!  I had a plan to get to work early today, and it didn't work.  I kept hitting the snooze button!!  Oh Well!!!! 

I had an interesting evening last night.  Had a great conversation with James at dinner (great big Crab Salad...YUMMY!!) watched some tv with James and then I took a bath.  Turned out the lights, lit some candles, grabbed some wine, and took a long, long bubble bath!!  It was FABULOUS!!  I haven't done that in so long, I haven't had time to do that in so long!!  Very relaxing.  I talked to my special friend last night too.  The conversation was wonderful, as usual!!   

I came to a few realizations last night.  But I also had some questions for myself as well.  Why is it we fall in love with someone who just isn't compatible with us????  I loved my husband DEARLY!!  Had never known anything so powerful, but he turns out to be someone I never knew and someone I don't want to be around...why is that?  I know it isn't that I changed, he told me I never did and that was one of the things he loved about me, I was  a true and genuine person, no false pretenses.  As it turns out, he was the one with all the pretenses.  How is it that I let this man talk me into not wearing any make up (he said I never needed it) when I left the house or wearing perfume.  He always made me feel guilty, he wanted to know who I was trying to look good for and smell good for.  When I explained it was all for me, he would laugh at me and walk off.  How is it that someone can help build your self confidence and at the same time break everything down?  I devoted my life to him and his family, gave up a lot to be there, because that was my family and nothing is more important to me than family.  How is it that me doing that was one of the downfalls of my marriage?  How is it that by giving of yourself to your family and your husbands family can be turned against you and the man you love tells you he can no longer "share you!", how can this be?  It isn't that I don't want the divorce, I just wish had more answers.  I feel and believe that I did everything I could to make it work, was I an enabler by never saying no to him?  Did I really give too much of myself to the people around me?  Is it even possible to give too much of yourself to someone?  How can he look at himself in the mirror every day and sleep at night?  Now time for the realizations....I will never let a man tell me I cannot wear makeup (I only wear mascara and a little blush anyway!!)  I will wear my perfume, unless he is allergic.  I will buy whatever car I want, since I pay for it anyway!  I will do my best to do something for myself at least once in a while.  I will never quit doing for others, it isn't like I neglected him at all anyway!  I will continue to be the superwoman I am and not compromise myself for anyone...EVER!!!  I will keep my friends, I will go shopping and I will do the things he enjoys as well, not becasue I want something in return, but because I want to spend time with him doing things he enjoys, because I love him.  I will spoil him, but I will also spoil me too.

I have no idea if this makes any sense to anyone except me...just some of the thoughts floating around my brain this morning.

Smile.  You could just be making someone elses day. 

The mood is courtesy of my special friend, I havent' felt like this in a long time....THANK YOU!  He has a way of opening me up.  Make no mistake, we are just friends...he is just a very special person!!  I am glad I have him in my life.