Today is Thursday and it is a better day than yesterday.  I went with my girlfriends to have drinks last night and had a lot of fun.  It wasn't the big tear fest I had thought it was going to be, for that I am thankful. We laughed and joked and vented all night!  I am glad I went.  I had four margaritas, and I am not a margarita gal.  Guess I just needed it!  I have been ordering all the food and things I will need for Saturday, there has been so much to do.  Not overwhelming, just a lot.  I haven't let anyone help me with all of it, because I just don't know how to.  At least I am not feeling overwhelmed!!  It is still hard to believe she is gone.  I feel like I am in a dream and I am gonna wake up and she will be making some joke about something.  I bought my tickets for my trip in October...I cannot even begin to describe how excited I am about that!!!  A much needed vacation for sure!!  It felt very liberating to purchase my tickets.  I didn't have to ask my stbx if we could go somewhere or if we could afford it or if that is where we can go.  Everything was always up to him and on his terms, now it is time for me!!  I don't have to ask him for anything anymore!!  It is a wonderful feeling to say the least.  Of course it is also sweet to know that he just can't believe I am going on vacation and so far away.  Anyway...I am feeling better today.  I talked to my friend last night before I went out, he always makes me laugh and he encourages me.  He makes me feel good about myself.  He is quickly becoming one of those "forever friends", know what I mean?!I took my mom's husband out to dinner last night before I went out with the girls.  He is having a hard time dealing with mom passing away.  He was the one who wanted to go out to eat (which is very rare!!!) but I refused to let him pay.  He has done so much for my mom (and my girls and me), I try to help him out and do as much for him as I can.  He is a great man and deserves help and happiness.  I told him all that I had ordered for Saturday and he asked how much it was going to cost him, I told him it wasn't going to cost him a dime!!  He really has done so much and I don't expect him to foot the bill for everything.  I hope he knows how much I appreciate him and what he has done for my mom.  I try to tell him, but he isn't the kind of guy that takes appreciation well, he gets embarrassed, it is actually kind of sweet!  I hope all my friends know how much I appreciate them and love them.I know I am still all over the place, still have a difficult time focusing sometimes.  My apologies! Hope everyone has a great and happy day today.  Sending my love!!!