Happy Monday to all!!!  It was a very long weekend for me to say the least!  I got absolutely no sleep Saturday night, I stayed up with my mom all night and let James get some rest.  When he got up about 7:00 a.m. we talked about how the night went and I went to bed about 8:00 a.m.  I woke up about 12:30 in the afternoon and about 2:00 or so my mom stopped breathing!  Scary!  James had to resuscitate her.  We called the paramedics and they picked her up again and took her to the hospital.  We were there till almost midnight last night.  They transferred her to San Antonio by ambulance.  She has apulmaonary embolism, a blood clot in her pulmonary artery.  At this point I don't know what they are going to do for her.  Her blood pressure went up to 209/105 way too high!!!  They gave her morphine for the pain and it didn't work.  They had given so much medication and nothing worked so they eventually just couldn't give her anything else.  She is supposed to have an MRI today I believe, just don't know when.  The whole thing has been very scary.  My 13 year old daughter came home to the ambulance yesterday and was scared!  Her friends mom took her with them and she stayed the night.  She is a very nice lady and I appreciate what she did for me and my daughter yesterday.  There are angels everywhere you look!!    I am praying that everything turns out o.k. for my mom.  I am scared too, but my faith in God is pulling my through.  Yesterday when Katie's friends mom was talking to me she said something profound.  She said that when you ask God for patience or strength or grace (anything really) to ask yourself if he really gives you those things or does he give you the ability and the opportunity to be and do those things.  I thought that was neat.  Because I am who I am and my faith is what it is, I know that I can handle anything life and God decide to throw at me.  I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I have gone through some horrible things as well, but those things were my opportunity to make something of myself.  I have made something of myself.  I will continue to make something of myself.  I know one day I will look into the eyes of the man that thinks I hung the moon and that cannot live without me and he will ask me to marry him and we will give each other the life we both deserve and want.  I have so much to offer (so say my friends and my wonderful boss!) and one day I will be able to share myself with someone and share my life as well.  I share as much as I can and do as much as I can for my mom and her husband and for my children and my friends as well.  That is who I am .  There are, however, a lot more pieces of my puzzle!  Right now my main focus in life is my family.  My mother and my children.  I know there will come a day when they no longer need me like they do now and that is when I can do for me.  Until then I will continue to do what others need me to do and take some time (for myself) where I can.  I am planning on taking some time for me in October to do something I have never done before.  I am really looking forward to it.  I am hoping it isn't a once in a lifetime opportunity but the beginning of a new lifetime of spontaneity and fun.  I made reference on Saturday to seeing my stbx.  What I didn't say was that he told me he is having a difficult time with how quickly I have gotten over him.  He is amazed at how happy I am and he just can't believe it.  He said he misses me every night when he goes to bed and he thiks about me all the time and he cannot wait to get this divorce behind us so that he can take me out on a date and go back to being initmate with me.  I told him that will never happen again.  I told him I am still the same me, just happier and he said he knows, he can see it on my face and in my eyes.  He said he had wished he had seen it sooner, to which I responded..."If you head wasn't always stuck so far up your a** you would have seen my smiling face!"  He didn't really like that too much!  Oh well!  It feels good to know I truly am happy and that it isn't something I have been deluding myself about.  I AM HAPPY!  Even with all that is going on in my life with my mom, I AM HAPPY!!  She will not always be in the pain she is in and she will not always need me to care for her.  So, I guess just knowing that there are wonderful things and people out there waiting for me is my inspiration.  Something I embrace and thank God for every day of my life. 

I received a phone call late last night when I was in the hospital ER with my mom.  It was a very dear friend of mine.  It was also very nice and a wonderful distraction to my pain.  I didn't find out until this morning that my friend actually called me because he was hurting about something in his personal life.  This person was so kind, caring, and considerate of my feelings and what I was going thru at the time that he didn't tell me why he was calling.  He just told me he called to say hello.  I cannot tell you how sweet that was to me.  I feel so bad that he didn't say a word to me aobut his pain.  It was such a self-less act.  I am still reeling over that.  I wish there were something I could do to repay him.  I feel so blessed to even have him in my life in the first place, but for him to do that was incredible.  I am not accustomed to that sort of self-lessness.  I am sending him some of my happy thoughts and love, so that maybe he will catch some and find some relief for his broken heart.  I can't do much, but I can do that for him.  And pray for peace in his heart. 

A Turkish Proverb:  A good companion shortens the longest road.