I don't know what happened tonight but I just lost it.  One minute I was looking for a number for the bank, th e next I was sobbing on the floor  holding a knife in one hand and pills in the other.I did the right thing and called the crisis team. A woman that I blatently didn't understand tried to help me, got me to wake my partner up and spoke to him.they give me the option to go in tonight or have someone come out tomorrow. I agreed I'd be fine until the morning,  I have noone to have my son tonight so  have sat here and cried.I sent Darren back to bed, he has to go work at 6am. It'snow 2.30am. For the past 2 hours I have cried. I have nothing left to do but cry. He's taken all the pills away, all to bed with him, he's taken anything sharp and I am left here with nothing but a tv and my cigarettes.I know I need help. I could probably do with going to hospital but I'm so against hospitals I dont' want to go.