I don't really know where to start. I've been away for some time, for many reasons and I'm gonna try put it into words. I chose not to come back as I was so down I couldn't even contemplate speaking to people. I've hidden myself away for a few weeks and now I'm feeling a wee bit better and am ready to tackle my problems.  After I had progress with walking I had a massive backwards tumble. As embarrasing as this is to write and admit I became incontinent. I was absolutly distraught and didn't know how to handle it. Thankfully I have some fantastic friends and family that helped me through, I also have a great gp who got me back into hospital and the right medication and support. So where am I now? Well I've been back in hospital, discharged again and am now being seen as an outpatient. We're still not sure on why  my leg doesn't move, they know I have some damage to my nerves and spinal cord compression but simply the operation to fix that would do more harm than good in the long run, so now I'm just waiting to go back for a ct scan and to find another solution. The past few weeks have been a living hell for me. I've been so down about my leg and back that it's making me suffer in other ways. I'm not supposed to leave the house alone incase of falls etc but being cooped up 24/7 is a nightmare. It got so bad that I cut again. I'd done so well without cutting and then just one day for some reason I started again.  Other than all that my life is good just now. My son celebrated his 7th birthday on Saturday and we had a bbq for family and friends on Sunday. It was nice being in a happy environment and seeing all the kids play together, I also go to spend time with my wee nieces and nephews which put a smile on my face. I've given up uni until next year, when hopefully all being well I will be able to go back. Just now it's not really plausable I can't walk, I can't sleep and I can't cocentrate. Sorry it's been a long one but I plan on being back to stay for a while and look forward to catching up with everyone