I don't know what's wrong with me today. I woke up feeling quite ok after a rough few weeks only to now be sat here on the verge of tears again. I've had a friend staying which has helped me a lot, he's been helping with my son and giving me cuddles when I've felt down, encouraged me to eat and made me laugh.Today it's not working. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don't want to be here anymore. I miss my sister, I want to go home. I can't afford to go home and I can't give my son anymore time off school. I fly to America a week on saturday and will be seeing my best friend while I'm over there, but even that doesn't make me feel any better today.If I could bury my head for a few days maybe I'd be better. My boyfriend is ill and I feel awful cos I'm not there for him. He lives too far away for me to just drop everything and go look after him. I haven't even heard from him today. My ex is also due out of prison in a few weeks. Well he goes up infront of the parole board in 2 weeks. He's going to play the sympathy card and ask for home leave the day of our daughters birthday so he can visit her grave. If he gets parole Iknow I'll be living my life in fear. He always said when he gets out  he'd come get me and now that time is near I'm scared. I've mentioned things to friends and close family but they don't seem to understand. This man is in prison for the things he did to me, he killed my daughter, raped me and beat me so badly I was unrecognisable. How can I go on with my every day life knowing that he could be here in 5 minutes. I've spoken to his mum who agrees with me. It's her own son and she knows he's going to come after me.I just wish I could go somewhere. Anywhere. Away from here. I want to start a new life without the fear of him hanging over me. I want my son to grow up happy. I no longer want to live in fear.