My dog died yesterday. Well I say my dog, she still lived at mums house. Noone bothered to tell me, mum said she was going the vets but I never heard anything after that. I called a bit later and my  brother said what do you mean how is she? She's dead.I know I don't have the best relationship with my family and it's very rare they tell me anything but it would have been nice just to know. Instead I have to find out in such a horrible way. It makes me a bit sad, although I know she was ill and is better off not suffering.I'm also confused a lot lately. I have a problem with sex. When I'm manic I'll pretty much have sex with anyone, mainly friends and things that use me. They know how I feel and use my weakness against me. Now over the years I've tried to change this. I've met people I believed I could have relationships with and thought things could change, but normally it's just sexual.Now I've met someone I really like. I enjoyed spending time with him, I don't believe he's using me in any way shape or form, but I'm scared. I don't know how to have a real relationship. I don't know if that's what he wants, or if he just wants us to be friends with that little bit more. I'm worried if he does want me I'll push him away. I don't take compliments well and end up twisting everything round so it sounds like I'm being offended. I've thought about this guy a lot since we spent time together earlier in the week. I like chatting to him, I feel comfortable with him, I don't feel he judges me in any way, and I hope very much that he likes me too. I'm just scared of it all. I'm scared of letting myself like him too much because what if he doesn't like me back in the same way? If he does like me then I'll push him away. Once he gets to know the real me won't he leave like all the others? I mean who'd want me?