Why is everything in my life so complicated? I really thought things were on the up and then bang they fall again.I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and we agreed I'd come off valium for a week and see how it's affecting my night terrors and maybe if I need something else try a new combination next week. Everything went pretty well apart from his insistance that I see my CPN every day until they feel I'm no longer at risk from self harming.I felt pretty positive about it all, then last night for some reason I had a massive slump. Right now I hate myself. I can't see a way out, I feel fat, ugly, useless. I don't know why my friends are my friends, I don't feel I bring anything to our friendships. I constantly moan to them about one thing or another.Sometimes I live my life in a fantasy world. I believe that everything it ok, that I'm ok. That there's no war in the world, no war in my family, that everybody accepts me for me, then I remember it's just my fantasy.