I DID IT!

I threw away the blade and I am eating again. Last night while my friend was over I went upstairs to grad something. While in my room I walked in to my bathroom and grabed the blade. I looked at it and took a deep breath "I am going to do this" I thought. I put it in my pocked ans when back down stairs. After some conversation I puled it out of my pocked and sowed it to him without saying anything I walked over to the trash and threw it in. He got up and gave me a huge hug.
After I felt really triggered and wanted to get it back out but I was pleased with myself that I did it. To my delight my dad came in a few minutes later and took out the trash. It will be long gone Tuesday morning and I am going to be out of town till Monday.
I got really sick a few days ago from not eating and passed out a few times. I felt absolutely terable and it scared me a little. I made the decisions that this needed to stop and it was worth it. The more weight I lose the fatter I feel. The longer I don't eat the more I hate myself. I make my friend worry and that makes it even more not worth it. I am just going to have to live with the body dimorphic disorder and not anorexia. Things have been hard eating wise, it is hard to make myself do it but I will for him.
Wish me luck if getting batter. I feel that I have progressed leaps and bounds over the past few days.