Update
Sorry I haven't journaled in a while. Well I am really ashamed about cutting again. It took me a while to tell even the closest of my friends. I was doing so well. I am not really sure what to think of this but part of me doesn't really care. So what I cut again, I will probably do it again to. What is the big deal? I don't care all tat much about the scars and I am careful not to cut to deep. It is to painful sitting here trying to keep myself from doing it and cutting takes the pain away. I am happier when I am cutting. I am only ashamed because I let my friends down. They put so much faith in me that I could stop and I let them down. I upset them and that hurts. I wish I had never cut. I wish that I didn't let my life get this bad. I shoved it all down and said I would deal with it later now there is to much to deal with. I am the reason things suck and I am the reason for my friends worry. For this, I hate myself.
Replies
oh god dude I\'m soooo sorry. That sucks. You have to keep strong and respect yourself enough to not cut. And screw your friends if they\'re upset. This process is for you to get better and be happy it has nothing to do with them at all!! I just hope one day we can both put this behind us and never feel that low again!! Hope is with you. And so am I!! Talk to me if you need to.
Thank you so much that was really helpful. They just don\'t get it. In away it helps for them to worry because at least it shows that they care but at the same time I don\'t want to hurt them. I just want to be happy and to have everything be ok again. I have been costing rock bottom for way to long. I wish I had never cut, I wish I could go back in time to the first time I did it and put the razor down. I f***ed up my own life by not dealing with my problems.
Wow reading your journal entry it felt like I was reliving all the times I relapsed. Hon, please never be ashamed of your actions you are a beautiful girl and we are all here for you
Ooohhh I\'m so sorry; been exactly where you are; more times than I\'d like to own up to. You\'re not alone. Self Cutting is an addiction. Addictions are difficult to overcome and you need to want to overcome it for yourself; not your friends (don\'t worry about letting your friends down, be contious of letting yourself down). It would be great if they could be there to be supportive. Well, we didn\'t make it this time around (I cut today)....nothing we can do about that. No need to be ashamed and don\'t need to justify or explain it to anybody. You are a beautiful person with so much life ahead of you. Please take advantage of your friends here, we care. Also, I\'d be willing to bet all that I own that everything is not your fault. I tried that route about as many times as I\'ve relapsed and cut. Yes, we can make things more difficult for ourselves but we need to reach out and seek whatever type of help that works for us. We\'re all different; I feel fortunate to have a therapist that I can reach out to any time of the day or night; many people don\'t like or care for therapists and Drs. and that\'s fine but you really have to want to stop and gather ideas from others here if you can\'t come up with any of your own. This group hasn\'t let me down; provided a lot of interesting ideas and a whole lot of caring and support.