I told my two friends that I might be pregnant and they replies.."well uhhhm actually same"so yesterday we brought tests and none of us is pegnant. Thankgod. I was a nervous wreck. I feel so unmotivated. I saw the doctor at the hospital and he increased me to 10mg. I slept 17 hours that night. I feel like I am not in reality, like halfway through the day I think shit did I really do that did that happen? and I dont know how to explain it but its not living. definatley not. And I keep thinking of all these crazy ways to kill myself but then I shut them up and keep doing what I a doing. I have my appointment with Mark tomorow and I actually invited my parents to it. I wish I hadn't . Iam going to be a nervous wreck tomorow aswell. Its so hard to get up int he mornings. I was crying in my calculus class today because I am the biggestt dumb fuck there is. And I am gaining so much weight its scary. Im not weighing but I can feel it on me and I feel trapped even more veery day I purged three times at work and still didnt feel better. Oh, and at work I broke down and was crying there too. so what the fuck. And the docotr said "dowe need to talk about anything else? and I didnt know what to say so he said alright then. And he left me with this fffking head that I dont even want.