I have realised how out of control I have once again let things become. I have realised that I don't know how to get everything back to where I was happy to be. I have realised that I am still a wreck and all that I did was cover all this up. I have had a week of pure bliss and living and now I am paying for it.  I want to scream and cry and yell. I want to tear the paper off these walls and scribble all over them. I want to do something totally crazy that will once again distract me and my mind off this life. I have realised that all I do is distraction.