Day one

Day one today has been pretty easy and simple so far cos ive been at work since 6..Its now 2.30 in the afternoon and I can feel myself loosing. I am the master of my own thoughts..I done something crazy last night..I started painting my wall..welllike with my paints..I have this one white wall in my room and I am going to fill it. I was drawing these two girls last night. Pencil draw3ing, its what I like best. Reminds me of mz marshall Em. My hand seemed to capture the sadness in this one girls face.. I am the master of my thoughts.I AM THE MASTER OF MY THOUGHTS. God I can't do this. I can taste it on my breathe. I have useless glue in my draw..I think just one sniff will calm me down. I have money for more glue. but no. I cant let myself do thiss. Just make me wait till tuesday an dI willl be meeting this guy with Nick. I gotta make it until then. trapped now. no I am not trapped. I AM THE MASTER OF MY THOUGHTS! Add: Its now 6.15 pm..Mom just went out for the night..Ive got this song playing on the radio and its the song that reminds me of getting high. I so need it right now. I shake and I fill up with so much anger because I know I can't have it. My head it going to xplode. NO ITS NOT! Omg why does this have to be so hard. I am the master of my thoughts. I mihgt draw another thing on my wall.fuck it all. Its getting harder to breathe I just need someone to lean on but no one is here. I am so alone it scares me because I can't turn to glue. I am going to make it through day one! Why did I do this to myself? I dont need to stop it. yes I do. I am the master of my thoughts! Oh and Ive also lost 3 more kgs. my collar bones come out a lot more..my cheeks seem a bit less horrible and the bottom of my neck has bumps..It makes me happy..but I am terrified to gain it all back when i am off this glue..