Caught between two places, one so easy it holds me there and then releases me but knows I will come back for more. Fighting with myself in hope all this ends and I will die soon. Actually, fighting with myself in hope something soon changes. I woke up thismorning and smelt glue from yesterday in my draw and without realising was writing my suicde note in my head. I tried to stop myself. I never wanted to end up liek this. I never thought I would end up liek this..its like well "I don't even know. I have no fucking words anymore. Poetry is crap. I can't even hold a conversation. I lied to my mom to have enough money for glue tomorow. How badd is that, I never usually do this. I havn';t even noticed myself slipping. I thought it was all behind me. But now I know I am alone because I can't tell Nick anything again cos he'll just tell my parents. I want nothing to matter, I want my head to fucking SHUT UP, I want to be some place where there is no one. and no one to look down on me and tell me what im doing is bad. Who the hell decided glue i sbad anyway. who decided that taking a blade to your skin was bad. Who the hell decided that taking your oown life was bad. It doesn't make any sense. my life, not anyone else. Everyone else only ruins it.