I feel so completley low. This hunger is posioning me. yesterday was a bad day, I went to school but before I left home I got high off glue again. I somehow drove myself to school and walked around because I couldn't remember what class I had first. Last night I came home after work and got high. I don't even remeber making the decision to do it. I hid my cell phone this time but still managed to find it and was txting Ryan saying that mu phone is oversized and well he sai "yeah, don't bother" but because I was high and I couldn't even remeber what his txt just said I txtd back some more nonsense and he said "when I meant don't bother I meant not to txt me" and I txtd again and ugh it was just bad. He ended up swearing at me and then my bad high started and I was crying and I remeber choking and I woke upt his morning with my lenses in still. The glue silences my hunger. This glue is starting to run my life. I am sitting here and I can smell it even though im not in my room and im not even near any glue. Today I flipped out in class and went to the bathroom and I closed my eyes and imagined the big breathing in and feeling the plastic bag crinkle into my face. I was there for half an hour just breathing and then I felt calmer and returned to class. Hannah has suddenly said that her mom isn't letting her come to the pimps and hoes party which is bullshit because her Mom had already said yes and we were already looking for sstuff to wear. she goes "I hope it doesn't ruin it for you and that you still go.." whatever Hannah, I only asked you because they will all bring their boyfriends and I'll be left out. I feel so low. I walk around like a zombie. I have no one to talk to anymore because my mind is restraining me from reaching out to anyone. I have had the shakes all day. The glue takes away the sleepiness though, I woke up thismorning before my alarm and my eyes were all dried toegther and my cheeks were covered in dried tears. I cried so much last night my nose bled onto my pillow. I remember things now, like that I drank that glass of water through the night without spilling a drop, and I plugged my phone in to charge and I talk to shannon last night. It has been coming back to me during the day. I love the timelessness when I am high. my mind craves it. all day it has been screaming to me glue glue glue but I can't. I used a whole one last night. Usually half gets me out of it but I couldn't control it or limit myself. It is a wonder my parents didn't hear me. I have been restless alld ay. Restless and lowand so alone.