I am so fucking disgusted with myself. I skipped breakfast skipped lunch as usual and tonight I avoided dinner till 8. Dad asked if im hungry and I said yeah so I got myself asparagus and carrots. my stomach right now is in agony. sharp pains all through my guts. I want to rip them out. today was another good day because I felt so powerful feeling my stomach groan. Hannah was saying to me Mahala you got to eat andI said yeah, I am really not hungry though and she beleived me. Shes on a diet too..cept she has breakfast, a banana for lunch and dinner. Tomorow is gymnastics and I have p.e in class and thursday im going swimmin g for an hour in the morning with Paulina. I think we'll do swiming every tuesday and thursday. I so want all this extra horrible fat off me. I want everything gone. Last night I felt so calm. I squirted my gorillas super quick dry super glue or whatever into a bag and breathed it in and held each breathe for a few seconds. then I had the lights off and I was lying on the floor. It was cold but I didnt feel it. I was lying there till bout 12..and this morning I woke up at three. I dont think I will get high off the glue again for a while because I couldnt stand up for ages cos I my hearing and sight went fuzzy like at the blood donors when I fainted. When I got up myhead started jerking ad I dont remeber much else cos I was so half asleep and just out of it. It felt so good though. My limbs were all numb and it was like I had left my fat body and was looking down on it, like I was flying to a whole new world. but oh god I hate myself right now. I wont have to eat at all tomorow because I wont be home between school and gym so no dinner :D