I think I want to die..My friend Sara left today. She is an exchange student from Germany and she was at schooll for a term..but today she left..well she flies out on thursday..but today all of us had ice creams in the mall as a kindof last farewell..it was rainin so hard and so I offered to take Sara home and she said okay, so we got in my car and I drove her home I had no idea where she lived and it was dark so neither did she really but we drove around and it was hilariuos. She is always making me laugh. Spending a last day with her was amazing, and I knew it would be our last day togetehr but I kept putting it to the back of my head. When I dropped Sara home she invited me inside and we went into her room and she showed me her ball dress for her international ball and then she tried on her high heels, (she is a total tomboy) and we laughed so much. Its just not fair. We both kept putting off the moment to say goodbye. Her roomw as really warm and she started to take off her tops..I looked at her and she looked back and..iunno how to describe it. I really like Sara. She is a paramedic back in Germany and we draw pictures of the body in bio and I really like ithow she knows everything about the body. Like in bio a few days ago she was pushing my artery in my arm to make my hand go numb but it took her a while to find it because it was underneath all my arm muscle and her fingers kept touching my arm and up my sleeve..it felt good to be touched by her. The way she rested her head on my shoulder if her stomach hurt from laughing too much. I crashed my car on the way home from dropping Sara off..it wasnt major but I stopped and cried in the rain. I was tempted to go back to Sara's house and say goodbye again. The way she held me when we said goodbye..like neither of us wanted to let go. Sara made me so happy. she used to draw on my skin and trace all my veins up my arm. She used to make melaugh by mixing up her words. i really miss Sara already and its only been 2 hours. The way she sat in the passenger seat of my car and she will never sit there again. Out of all the exchange students I felt closest to her. The way we were the only ones not to get drunk at the partys we went to and we got to laugh at all our friends being idiots, the way that fr the whole night she sat next to me. The way she literally taught me how to smile using her cam recorder. Oh dear..I feel myself falling again. andnot just cos of Sara being gone..I txtd Nick, the councelar and asked if me and him could have a chat sometime next term..Iunno how he can help me though. I cut the night before last and it felt really good..I kinda floated out of myself andwas watching my fingers put the blade to my thigh..like I couldnt control it.  I am buying a lap top tomorow.