This is all getting way too hard. after gymnastics last night (around 9) I went for a drive in the dark..and ended up on this windy hill that looks over the whole of upper hutt. It was so pretty with all the lights nestled down in the valley but I felt so ugly. I got back in my car and continued up the hill and nearly went off the corners a few times cos I don't know it too well..but then I came home and all I have thought about isdriving myself off. Then I thought no, that wouldnt be fair because I would land on someones house..but then oh well..but then I wouldn't be able to write any more poetry BUT THEN THIS IS WHAT STARTED IT! I feel as if my head is fighting itself. as if it is made up of two things and they never agree. I was lying there last night and I felt tears slide down my face, I wasn't even aware that I was crying. I told Ryan that I slept well..but I never do anymore.