I haven't wrote in ages..Iunno..I been so busyIt feels as if my body is breaking. Like inside my head I'm all mixed up and broken..but now it feels like my body is falling away when I walk. I've joined my schools gay straight alliance thing group..its alright..Vicky hasn't been to any of the meets that I've been to thankfully. Um...the counceler runs the group aned I was thinking about going to have a chat with him..like the last meeting he brought up the topic about BDSM and self harm..how they are connected etc..and I held my arm and started shaking and Dylan (the cat guy) kept looking at me..(he sits beside me every meeting) and I was so embarrased.and the councelar kep0t looking at me and ugh..I've started relying on food again..now that I've been getting paid heaps I have the chance to go buy food..Its scaring me more than ever..and I havent been able to write properly and no one ever seems to know how much my writing means to me..I think I can feel everything collapsing around me again..I mean like when I got my job a few weeks ago alot of pressure came off me and its like the space that was gone from getting a job has been filled quickly with new stuff..I can't really do it but Im just living I guess.