Ugh

I cut again last night. I seem to want to do it when all my othershave healed completley then I my skin lets me make more marks. last night was only one cut..I thought so myself..I wonder what the deepest is I can go, so without looking I put the blade onto my thigh muscle and dug it in while pulled it across and it split right open..I gave myself a fright. because theres about 2cm seperarting the edges of the skin. It's deep too..the deepest I've ever gone but I only did the one cut. I seriously freaked myself out. I cried a few seconds afterwards because all I saw was white flesh. It didn't bleed for quite some time. I cut into it more and that hurt so much I felt faint so I put my blade away and just lay there. It hasn't got a scab or anything on it like mine usualy do after the first day..it's still white and all yuck. It kinda looks good..I don't think it needs stitches..If only Vicky was there and saw me do it. she'd want to be my girlfriend again. I reckon she only went out with me because she felt sorry for me.She's gone to a gay and lesbian fair thing in wellington today.. If she still wanted me I would of gone with her oh well.