I still can't seem to shake off this low feeling. I've been so tired because we are decorating and getting the rental house ready for the next tennants. yesterday I put a new layer of gravel on the drive transferring a tralor load of gravel, and then cut down some trees and more gardening. Today I filled in the holes in the walls and sanded off the filler when it was dry then I painted the celings. My arm didn't have any blood left in it and I got paint all over me :D Vicky is using me. I know it now because when I get her gifts over this avatar site thing we are both in she talks to me for about one comment and then things go back to normal. I still have to give her the christmas gift I got her. it's really fancy origami paper with gold ink and stuff from Japan. (not real gold) Haha. I don't think I'll be able to give it to her for a while. :( I keep dreaming about her, last nights dream wasthe first day of the school year and for some reason all the students were on paddock..anyway I patted her head cos she was sitting down and she looked up then looked back down..she had some guy in her arms who had no face..it was freaky. Sometimes I do think if someone has replaced me..oh well as long as she is happy because her smile still makes all my troubles fly away een if she doesnt want me.Tomorow is the big painting day.There's 5 rooms to fully paint and ceilings. Plus new carpet to be arranged. My dad doesn't even treat me well for it. As soon as he done somthing wrong like dropped the hose he said "Fucking hell Mahala..If you were doing what you were sposed to do..etc" he also treats me like shit. Ryan is busy with his girlfriend..Vicky is practically gone, My dad doesn't have the patience or manner and my mother would think I'd just thik it's another suicide attempt. I'll give up again soon and let everything pass by again, after the house has been done I think. It'll be great fun..just me and my car and my koRn music..driving into someplace new. I got petrol vouchers for christmas so I can go anywwhere I want. I can't wait.
Replies
If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.
John Heywood
Hey.....it sounds like you are a bit down. Just consider this.......that you are still young and there is a lot of time ahead of you in which many things can change and change for the better. If you always think things will never get better then you will stay in your rut.
Life at any time can become difficult: life at any time can become easy. It all depends upon how one adjusts oneself to life.