when my friend pointed out that I don't eat much..she was getting onto the fact that I am so big for the amount that I eat. I don't understand it and I want to know why. today I had a combined breakfast and lunch of asparagas, wholemeal bread roll and a milo. I eat most things raw and don't eat meat, eggs or much cheese..why am I so fat? maybe fat is the wrong word but at night I lay there trying to pull it off my stomach, I told Vicky that I think of her..I do just not as much as I think of my weight. I like my arms, they are toned and more mucley gfor your average girl (six years of canoe polo) my abbs are there just covered by fat and my thigh mucles are the same. I do have quite a lot of mucscle and I can join my thumb and index finger around my wrists, It's just all over the other parts of my body. Otherwise I am doing great. I am turning into a bit of a speed freak, I love driving in the dark  with the window wound down and my sleeves rolled up,  a freedom I can only have in my car. Vicky is doing great too. We are going to the pools together next saturday at 7.30 pm. I can't wait. I still haven't kissed her and I want to perhaps now that we are out of school I can. I had a little panick attack because when I told my mom about my plans for saturday I desperatley wanted to tell her that the 'friend' I was going to the pools with was in fact my girlfriend. I want her to know about vicky and how much I care for her but as I was thinking about it and what her reaction might be I nearly puked and my stomach becameso unsettled I was shaking and couldn't type also sweating and I felt my face go bright red and hot. I'll tell her someday I guess.