Confused
So here it goes. I have a large family 2 brothers and 2 sisters with 13 nieces and nephews from the ages of 2 to 16 years. There are a few dynamics in my family that I will choose to keep to myself. But there are some things about my family that drive me crazy and I can feel myself getting angry about it and pulling back from them. It is even getting to the point my husband doesn't want to do Christmas with them this year which I actually finding myself agreeing with him.
I used to be very family oriented. Visited all the time, called all the time and at holidays we would spend hours together. Through the years this has changed and now I find myself not going to visit and not staying long at holidays. It started mainly at my wedding when certain people about 50%-75% of my family was upset about my wedding and complained about it from small detail to large detail like where it was held at. My mom even said "That should work" in a non-excited tone when I called her to tell her the date of the wedding. My mom has some problems with my donor family which true to my mom she told one of my sisters behind my back and not to me. My sister told me but I have chosen not to bring it up at this time as I don't know if it will help anyways. My donor family in no ways is replacing my parents but they are amazing and very supportive of my husband and I and our choices. We seem to get along really well and are more like really great close friends that see each other once a year.
I have noticed that my family or parts of my family seem to strive on drama which I want no part of. Maybe that is why I feel so far from my family. I hate drama and all the talking to people behind our backs we are all grown ups and need to start acting like it. My husband and I live furthest away which is only 2 hour drive and from the big town a lot of my family comes shopping too frequent it is only 30 min yet some of my family has only been to our house 1 time since we moved in Jan 2009. We have to go down to visit them if we want to see them and all we hear from them is that they don't see us enough. Maybe I'm out of line but the road goes both ways. Many times my family will come shopping or to the zoo and not even bother to call us. I have tried to get a girls day together so all the daughters and daughters in law can get together will mom and have a fun shopping and hanging out day and all I get as a response is that there too busy and how they never see me.
My family is great when people are sick of course I know they care but it seems to be because of the drama. I have a lot of health issues and the only time my mom offers to come is when I am sick. I also am the one who calls everyone. I have one sister that will call me from time to time and some of the others don't call unless something is wrong and that's it. That includes my mom. I try to call her a few times a week but it is frustrating being the only one to call just to see how everyone is. We even go camping about 30 minutes from where my parents live and they never call and see if they can come. It gets frustrating feeling like I am the one giving so much and not getting anything back.
Does anyone else feel this way? Are other families like this? It makes me not want to be around them and see how long it takes for them to actually come to me. I think it has even impacted my thoughts on having kids as I don't want my kids to grow up the way I did and feel like I am feeling now. Although if my kids moved I would still make time to visit them often as I could. My parents don't even come to my house just to say hello. When I bought my house I even made sure it had a bathroom on the main level for my dad since he is handicapped clearly that was not needed. Any thoughts or advise? I really don't even know what to think any more or even how to handle or deal with my family. Which sucks since I have so many things going on myself. Thanks to anyone who listened and takes the time to read this:)
I used to be very family oriented. Visited all the time, called all the time and at holidays we would spend hours together. Through the years this has changed and now I find myself not going to visit and not staying long at holidays. It started mainly at my wedding when certain people about 50%-75% of my family was upset about my wedding and complained about it from small detail to large detail like where it was held at. My mom even said "That should work" in a non-excited tone when I called her to tell her the date of the wedding. My mom has some problems with my donor family which true to my mom she told one of my sisters behind my back and not to me. My sister told me but I have chosen not to bring it up at this time as I don't know if it will help anyways. My donor family in no ways is replacing my parents but they are amazing and very supportive of my husband and I and our choices. We seem to get along really well and are more like really great close friends that see each other once a year.
I have noticed that my family or parts of my family seem to strive on drama which I want no part of. Maybe that is why I feel so far from my family. I hate drama and all the talking to people behind our backs we are all grown ups and need to start acting like it. My husband and I live furthest away which is only 2 hour drive and from the big town a lot of my family comes shopping too frequent it is only 30 min yet some of my family has only been to our house 1 time since we moved in Jan 2009. We have to go down to visit them if we want to see them and all we hear from them is that they don't see us enough. Maybe I'm out of line but the road goes both ways. Many times my family will come shopping or to the zoo and not even bother to call us. I have tried to get a girls day together so all the daughters and daughters in law can get together will mom and have a fun shopping and hanging out day and all I get as a response is that there too busy and how they never see me.
My family is great when people are sick of course I know they care but it seems to be because of the drama. I have a lot of health issues and the only time my mom offers to come is when I am sick. I also am the one who calls everyone. I have one sister that will call me from time to time and some of the others don't call unless something is wrong and that's it. That includes my mom. I try to call her a few times a week but it is frustrating being the only one to call just to see how everyone is. We even go camping about 30 minutes from where my parents live and they never call and see if they can come. It gets frustrating feeling like I am the one giving so much and not getting anything back.
Does anyone else feel this way? Are other families like this? It makes me not want to be around them and see how long it takes for them to actually come to me. I think it has even impacted my thoughts on having kids as I don't want my kids to grow up the way I did and feel like I am feeling now. Although if my kids moved I would still make time to visit them often as I could. My parents don't even come to my house just to say hello. When I bought my house I even made sure it had a bathroom on the main level for my dad since he is handicapped clearly that was not needed. Any thoughts or advise? I really don't even know what to think any more or even how to handle or deal with my family. Which sucks since I have so many things going on myself. Thanks to anyone who listened and takes the time to read this:)
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