Feeling Better
I'm feeling better today. I don't feel a lot of depression, but it's still there, and my stomach situation has resolved itself. I just needed some good home cooked food for a day before my stomach could settle. I'm going to be doing my journals a bit earlier now and trying to go to bed earlier since I'm on new sleeping medication and want to start waking up early in the morning. Tomorrow I have to, since I have therapy in the morning. I hope my therapist doesn't yell at me for not calling her when I was suicidal, but I didn't want to bug her and I didn't feel important enough to bug her. I guess she's going to make me promise her to call her if I feel that way again and I always keep my promises. Well, as always as I can. So then I will have to call her if I feel that way again.
I gained weight in the hospital, which doesn't surprise me at all. I ate the best I could, but the damage was 4 pounds. Some of that is water weight, not all of it is fat I'm sure, so in the next couple of days I will go down some more until I'm just at the fat I gained, and I'm working on burning that off. They changed my medication, and the new stuff is seeming to help. They switched me from Prozac to Celexa, added Trazadone, and in the hospital they reduced my Risperdal. I'm going to continue to take my higher level of Risperdal since it seems to be helping me not hallucinate, and keep with the new antidepressants. At first they didn't give me any Risperdal in there, but I made sure that they did because I started to hallucinate and that's how I knew I wasn't getting it. At least I know it works. They also gave me Restoril, which helps me sleep. Both the Trazadone and the Restoril will help me sleep, so when I take them I have to be ready for bed. I take all my meds at 9:30 and I'm hoping to be asleep by 10:30. That would be right on time for me, since I have to be up at 8:30 tomorrow to go to my therapist.
Today I ate under my calories. I need to eat more, but I'm not hungry and don't want to eat anything else. I will see if I get hungry before I take my pills, but I doubt it. I was hungry all morning and ate a ton of salad, some hot dogs, a jelly sandwich and a piece of chicken. I went over my sodium as normal, but I'm getting better at it for the most part. I think that's what I should concentrate on once I start getting everything else back in line. It's been one thing or another off here and there and so I need to start getting my stuff together. I thought I would be good on carbs today with the sandwich and potatoes with dinner, but I'm low on my carbs today, and have been for the past couple non-hospital days. I still haven't done all the tracking for the days I was in the hospital, but I know I went over my calories a lot and ate food that just killed my stomach.
Geo missed me when I was in the hospital. He called his dad to hang out and they went to go see a movie, and went grocery shopping. He didn't tell his dad where I was so they don't know I was in the hospital. I don't like people knowing like that where they judge me. I tell my family, but only because I have to. I didn't even tell my stepdad this time until I was home. I told him I might be going, but not that I did go until I was out. I'm glad Geo got to spend time with his dad, though, since he and his dad need to have more time together. The rest of his dad's family was at Disney World and so his dad was lonely too. When I got out, his dad took me shopping for the big store trip of the month so we could get our monthly supplies. It's so hot out here! I walk outside and I'm literally dripping in sweat. I don't like it, but what can I do? It's Florida in summer.
Stress has been low lately, despite being in the hospital. Mood is getting better, and last night I slept well. I needed that good night of sleep, since I slept like crap the night before in the hospital because of my stomach. I got about 12 hours of sleep, mostly uninterrupted. I woke up once or twice to use the bathroom really quick, but then fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow again. I fell asleep really fast, too, even though I didn't have all my sleeping pills. I guess I was just tired from not sleeping. I guess that's another reason why I'm feeling better- I finally got my sleep.
I gained weight in the hospital, which doesn't surprise me at all. I ate the best I could, but the damage was 4 pounds. Some of that is water weight, not all of it is fat I'm sure, so in the next couple of days I will go down some more until I'm just at the fat I gained, and I'm working on burning that off. They changed my medication, and the new stuff is seeming to help. They switched me from Prozac to Celexa, added Trazadone, and in the hospital they reduced my Risperdal. I'm going to continue to take my higher level of Risperdal since it seems to be helping me not hallucinate, and keep with the new antidepressants. At first they didn't give me any Risperdal in there, but I made sure that they did because I started to hallucinate and that's how I knew I wasn't getting it. At least I know it works. They also gave me Restoril, which helps me sleep. Both the Trazadone and the Restoril will help me sleep, so when I take them I have to be ready for bed. I take all my meds at 9:30 and I'm hoping to be asleep by 10:30. That would be right on time for me, since I have to be up at 8:30 tomorrow to go to my therapist.
Today I ate under my calories. I need to eat more, but I'm not hungry and don't want to eat anything else. I will see if I get hungry before I take my pills, but I doubt it. I was hungry all morning and ate a ton of salad, some hot dogs, a jelly sandwich and a piece of chicken. I went over my sodium as normal, but I'm getting better at it for the most part. I think that's what I should concentrate on once I start getting everything else back in line. It's been one thing or another off here and there and so I need to start getting my stuff together. I thought I would be good on carbs today with the sandwich and potatoes with dinner, but I'm low on my carbs today, and have been for the past couple non-hospital days. I still haven't done all the tracking for the days I was in the hospital, but I know I went over my calories a lot and ate food that just killed my stomach.
Geo missed me when I was in the hospital. He called his dad to hang out and they went to go see a movie, and went grocery shopping. He didn't tell his dad where I was so they don't know I was in the hospital. I don't like people knowing like that where they judge me. I tell my family, but only because I have to. I didn't even tell my stepdad this time until I was home. I told him I might be going, but not that I did go until I was out. I'm glad Geo got to spend time with his dad, though, since he and his dad need to have more time together. The rest of his dad's family was at Disney World and so his dad was lonely too. When I got out, his dad took me shopping for the big store trip of the month so we could get our monthly supplies. It's so hot out here! I walk outside and I'm literally dripping in sweat. I don't like it, but what can I do? It's Florida in summer.
Stress has been low lately, despite being in the hospital. Mood is getting better, and last night I slept well. I needed that good night of sleep, since I slept like crap the night before in the hospital because of my stomach. I got about 12 hours of sleep, mostly uninterrupted. I woke up once or twice to use the bathroom really quick, but then fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow again. I fell asleep really fast, too, even though I didn't have all my sleeping pills. I guess I was just tired from not sleeping. I guess that's another reason why I'm feeling better- I finally got my sleep.
Replies