i don't know

i don't know how i'm feeling. i may not be feeling anything, i just can't tell. there's little remnants of previous feelings in there, those i can see. a 'lil relief and pride for how i dealt w/someone earlier, a 'lil boredom due to no specific plans for the day, a 'lil tired cuz well, i'm always tired. what is the major feelings though? what's current? idk. i suspect there is something though cuz i'm eating nonstop and thinking 'bout cutting. i want to go for a walk, but my stomach hurts aweful bad. i want to understand what my body and brain now but i am drawn to all the wrong answers. i feel the pain of my neck and shoulder. the pain in discomfort of my stomach. the shame of being less than perfect physically yet my emotions lay under the surface,a mystery. as always i am full of questions without answers. will i keep eating and further upset my stomach? will i cut and further mar my body and soul? what will come of me and my questions without answers?