What?
I don't get this whole, "you're not ready to date yet". So.... my being pissed off at the person that hurt me and my family makes me not ready to move on and meet a decent man? I'm supposed to wait until I'm no longer angry at this guy? Ummm... not gonna' happen. I'm still angry at my ex-husband for slinking away like a guilty little boy from a family, a home, his children and his 25 year marriage! And that was 7 years ago. Why are the victims supposed to "let it go", "forgive", the dirtbags in the world? Forgive him? I don't think so. What he has done to MY children is unforgiveable. He walked away from his two adult children. He has not reached out to call them, to text them, to email them, to send a note a card a letter. What? My daughter lost her father. She now fears a wedding that will not include her daddy walking her down the aisle. She has lost faith in the one man in her life that was never meant to hurt her. And I'm supposed to forgive him before I can move on to another relationship? Kevin moved into my home, into my family, and then stole money from me and my father before slinking off into the night never to be seen nor heard from again; but I'm supposed to forgive him/forget that before I can date again? WTF? I will NEVER forgive nor forget what he did. Never. He does not deserve forgiveness for what he has done. Move in with me, share a life with me, vacation with me and my family, accept gifts from me, propose to me in the middle of downtown Rochester on the 4th of July surrounded by family and friends and then when the situation gets tough for him - when he is held to a standard that he is not willing to live up to, he runs away? No warning. No explanation except that I "nagged him about money" that I promised I would not do? I should have been nagging him way before I did as when he did run away he left me owing $3000 to bills that he was meant to have paid, owing me $1000 that I loaned him for his business, and owing my father $2200 that he borrowed for his business!! But I'm supposed to just let that go. Just fluff that off because "I'm the better person"? Well, yeah, I am the better person - no shit - and all that does is let Kevin get away with hurting a bunch of people and him getting away with it. He saunders away from the mess he leaves behind. And I wasted six years of my life with him, only to be left alone again. But - I'm the good person - the caring person, the responsible one.
You're damn straight I'm ready to date. I'm ready to ATTEMPT to find a decent, hard-working, kind, considerate man for ONCE in my fucking life. I'm ready to find ME with a penis!! I deserve to finish out my life with a man that honestly cares for me - not the green card I can give him (Richard), or the beautiful home and family that I can provide him with (Kevin) - but one that loves ME!!! I'm so ready to date that I'm fucking jumping out of my skin. What scares the CRAP out of me is that this man does not exist and I will spend the rest of my years lonely and bitter.
You're damn straight I'm ready to date. I'm ready to ATTEMPT to find a decent, hard-working, kind, considerate man for ONCE in my fucking life. I'm ready to find ME with a penis!! I deserve to finish out my life with a man that honestly cares for me - not the green card I can give him (Richard), or the beautiful home and family that I can provide him with (Kevin) - but one that loves ME!!! I'm so ready to date that I'm fucking jumping out of my skin. What scares the CRAP out of me is that this man does not exist and I will spend the rest of my years lonely and bitter.
Replies
I am going to go out on a limp and assume people are saying that based on the fact that you still have anger and malice towards your ex. Honestly, I can\'t blame you there. My situation is a bit different, but it still took quite a bit on my part to let go and try to forgive my ex for leaving me. It can be done if you want to. Honestly, from what I\'ve found, letting go releases a lot of stress, and altered how I handle things now. But it isn\'t for everyone, and if it isn\'t for you, don\'t sweat it.
I say, if you are capable of finding someone and are capable of seeing him for who he is, not the fear of what he might do, or how he might be like them, then I say you are quite capable of dating. I have hope that the man you seek is out there somewhere, you just have to be willing to look, which it seems like you are. You seem like a nice person, so I doubt you will be alone for the rest of your life. Have some faith in yourself, and he will find you when the time is right.
None of my business but I noticed this entry when I was giving you a hug regarding seeing a therapist for your health scares. When people say forgive, I think it means making peace with the past. Anger ain\'t hurting no one but you. All that anger and rage, that baggage, you take with into each and every new relationship so it\'s hard to meet someone decent because those who are decent will be turned off by it. So, you let go for your own sake. When you do, people will flock to you. I married late in life, when I was about 41 and met my husband when I was 35. Prior to that, I dated quite a bit. I tell you if a guy seemed overly angry about an ex, I didn\'t stick around. It\'s not an attractive quality in a potential mate. The ex may have been the biggest mofo in the world but to me, what mattered was how the person I was interested in coped with that. I mean, if I knew that a dude I liked posted a status on a social website about their ex, including a name and location, I\'d be weirded out by that. It would say more about him than about the ex, know what I mean.
You can tell me to go to mind my own business, but woman to woman, I just needed to say that. You are better than this person, but you keep giving him your power when you keep that rage burning bright.