Just created the goal of having resetablished a loving relationship with my husband who has left me. Hoping March 11 will be longest it would be to see if he can possibly come home. That would mark 5 months apart. We have lots of contact, mostly friendly, due to our 2 young kids. Been married 14 years.
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I just cannot seem to cope today. He doesn\'t communicate with me but spends so much time here. We had plans for all day Saturday at a local outdoor event but it was just postponed. I am deathly afraid that he will ask to take kids overnight. He has not done that since before Christmas. It kills me. We do everything here but he will not try. Anyway, this is my first attempt at journaling and I am just rambling. I feel like I may get angry with him for not trying to save our relationship. I have stepped up and gotten help (counseling), meds, made apologies. He loves our home family and neighborhood so much. I feel like sometimes he is \"having his cake\" but I was the one who drove him away over time. I cannot give up. Sometimes I feel like everyone here (and lots of my friends) think I have to and let him see what divorce would really feel like. That he hasn\'t \"lost\" anything yet. But I feel that that will just push him because it would again be me exerting control. He seems angry with me...maybe that is good. ANgry over the situation. Not happy as things are now. I hope more time will show him how committed I am to being a happy person. I really think I have dealt with my anxiety and depression. I would just like to show him.
You know, I think we all were difficult spouses at one point or another. I had ppd after our first daughter was born. I took it all out on him, and I feel that was the beginning to the downfall of our relationship. It\'s hard sharing yourself completely with another person. However, they were our spouses. They agreed to help and console us in our darkest moments. Don\'t ever feel like it\'s your fault. Marriage isn\'t easy. They are suppose to be there through thick and thin. It\'s unfortunate we had to realize our flaws when they wanted to walk. Don\'t give up, all you can do now is help yourself. Show him through changing your behaviors, you are improving. Smile, smile, smile. Don\'t waste time being angry. Change for you, not him. I\'m wishing you the best!