I have been gamble free for 42 days now, or rather this is my 42nd day. I am having a really rough day today, and have been having a bit of a rough time lately in general. Things were starting to look up, and I was focused on improving my situation, but now I am struggling again. I am struggling with staying happy, I am struggling with accepting my financial situation, I am struggling with all of the extra work and hours I have to put in. I am also struggling with christmas, I really wanted to have something to look forward to, and I just don't see it coming. i cant buy any gifts, my wife says we cant even afford a tree, my birthday is on Monday coming up and I told my wife not to buy me a present, so I wont be doing anything or getting anything, and same for christmas we arent doing presents because of the money I lost. I know that gambling caused this problem... but the temptation is creeping in again. It always starts with - well, just one scratch ticket, or just one sports ticket. I havent given in, but it would make christmas so much better wouldnt it? To just win a little more money? Ok, I have to remember that no, it wont make it better. But how to be positive? I am working early every morning, commuting an hour each way to work 4 hours, and then working at night too, I worked until 11 the other night, so I didnt even get to eat until almost midnight, and Im feeling sick now the last few days too... Boy it really sounds like I have a lot to complain about! Am I being overly negative? Do I have a right to be negative and complain? Facing the music for the money I lost really hurts, and its still quite depressing to think about.
I know that if I try, maybe I could find something to be positive about, but when I start to feel like this its a downward spiral that feeds on itself. My birthday is on Monday and with my wife working all day, I dont have anything to do or anywhere to go for about 6 hours, I need to prepare myself to avoid the temptation on that day, because my birthday often gives me a reason to gamble, whether the day of or the day before or after... and I dont know how to get in the christmas spirit without money to buy decorations or gifts or anything :(
I should be happy that I have made it this far... but it seems to be getting harder not easier. I cant go to my GA meetings, I made it to one and then got this second night job so I work when the meetings are happening, so besides this site I dont have much support right now.
I know that if I try, maybe I could find something to be positive about, but when I start to feel like this its a downward spiral that feeds on itself. My birthday is on Monday and with my wife working all day, I dont have anything to do or anywhere to go for about 6 hours, I need to prepare myself to avoid the temptation on that day, because my birthday often gives me a reason to gamble, whether the day of or the day before or after... and I dont know how to get in the christmas spirit without money to buy decorations or gifts or anything :(
I should be happy that I have made it this far... but it seems to be getting harder not easier. I cant go to my GA meetings, I made it to one and then got this second night job so I work when the meetings are happening, so besides this site I dont have much support right now.
Replies
Alex, my heart goes out to you,man. I know in my thinking it was always, the reason I work is so I can play. I know that is messed up, but I am only being honest with you. You need to have something to look forward to. Find something that will give you pleasure that doesn\'t cost anything. There really are things. I know it. It is a little easier for me because I love books and movies. I also like going into all these other little sub-groups here on DS. It is fun and entertaining for me. Do you ever do that? Thinking of you and wishing better days ahead. Maybe you could pm your address, so I could at least send you a card. I would LOVE to do that . Thank you for your support, it is appreciated, and same back at ya...Love and hugs, Estel