not a good day
Today has not been a good day so far, which is very dangerous for me.
I was woken up at 5:30am by construction next door, and if there is one thing I hate its lack of sleep and not being able to sleep when I am very tired! That started me off on the wrong foot, and then I didnt feel like making breakfast so I took off for work early and was planning to stop for breakfast on the way, but I was starving so my foot was a little heavy on the pedal. -side note, part of my financial stress right now is caused by a bunch of unlucky tickets last year, a few speeding but some dumb ones too, which is putting my insurance through the roof and it means if I get one more ticket I could really be screwed. Anyways, you think youre safe on a back road, unlined and no sign for the speed limit even that I could see, but I come over a hill and theres a cop. I didnt actually get a ticket, he didnt pull me over, but it scared the crap outta me cuz I didnt know how fast I was even going and it might have been close to 100 and it might have been a 60 zone not an 80!
Besides that I really just dont want to work, I am tired, irritable, and unmotivated. I am at work right now but just playing around on the computer while my students are working away.
Today also happens to be pay day. This is my first pay day since quitting, and as discussed in posts it tends to be one of the hardest days. Its the day that I see a pretty sizable chunk of money come in... and then I turn around and distribute it to everyone else... I resisted the temptation to not pay some things, Ive paid most of them but still have a few I "should" pay today. But I have a seed in the back of my mind. It started when I started thinking about going home at lunch calling in sick for the afternoon. Which led me to thinking about the route I would take home, which led me to thinking about taking a slight detour... you know where this is headed!
The problem is I am right in the danger zone too. I actually could leave myself a few hundred extra dollars in my account to allow myself a little spending cash for the next 2 weeks. Or I could put some down on my credit card, and put some aside to pay a few other debts, like a few hundred to a friend, or a few hundred to a payday loan place. The problem is there is too many hands out for money and not enough to go around RIGHT NOW, so what do I do? Do I choose one and put the rest off, put them all off and just have a little extra in my account so next payday I can get a little further ahead? Or, and here is the devil on my shoulder, do I take the few hundred extra and try and get some immediate satisfaction and then I could pay EVERYBODY off and STILL have some extra, wouldnt that make this crappy day feel a lot better??? It would. But the problem is that the chance of that happening is slim, very slim. But knowing my chances are slim doesn't necessarily prevent me from taking those chances by itself.
So what do I cling to? What is my rock? My goal? My motivation today? How do I get myself in a better mood???
I was woken up at 5:30am by construction next door, and if there is one thing I hate its lack of sleep and not being able to sleep when I am very tired! That started me off on the wrong foot, and then I didnt feel like making breakfast so I took off for work early and was planning to stop for breakfast on the way, but I was starving so my foot was a little heavy on the pedal. -side note, part of my financial stress right now is caused by a bunch of unlucky tickets last year, a few speeding but some dumb ones too, which is putting my insurance through the roof and it means if I get one more ticket I could really be screwed. Anyways, you think youre safe on a back road, unlined and no sign for the speed limit even that I could see, but I come over a hill and theres a cop. I didnt actually get a ticket, he didnt pull me over, but it scared the crap outta me cuz I didnt know how fast I was even going and it might have been close to 100 and it might have been a 60 zone not an 80!
Besides that I really just dont want to work, I am tired, irritable, and unmotivated. I am at work right now but just playing around on the computer while my students are working away.
Today also happens to be pay day. This is my first pay day since quitting, and as discussed in posts it tends to be one of the hardest days. Its the day that I see a pretty sizable chunk of money come in... and then I turn around and distribute it to everyone else... I resisted the temptation to not pay some things, Ive paid most of them but still have a few I "should" pay today. But I have a seed in the back of my mind. It started when I started thinking about going home at lunch calling in sick for the afternoon. Which led me to thinking about the route I would take home, which led me to thinking about taking a slight detour... you know where this is headed!
The problem is I am right in the danger zone too. I actually could leave myself a few hundred extra dollars in my account to allow myself a little spending cash for the next 2 weeks. Or I could put some down on my credit card, and put some aside to pay a few other debts, like a few hundred to a friend, or a few hundred to a payday loan place. The problem is there is too many hands out for money and not enough to go around RIGHT NOW, so what do I do? Do I choose one and put the rest off, put them all off and just have a little extra in my account so next payday I can get a little further ahead? Or, and here is the devil on my shoulder, do I take the few hundred extra and try and get some immediate satisfaction and then I could pay EVERYBODY off and STILL have some extra, wouldnt that make this crappy day feel a lot better??? It would. But the problem is that the chance of that happening is slim, very slim. But knowing my chances are slim doesn't necessarily prevent me from taking those chances by itself.
So what do I cling to? What is my rock? My goal? My motivation today? How do I get myself in a better mood???
Replies