Really struggling today to stay positive... I guess this is the depression, the gambling gives you false hope but its still hope, without it I am resigned to have to work, and put up with my job and my company, and everything else, resigned to knowing exactly how much money I have coming in every two weeks. Even though two years ago I would have been quite happy with this salary, after a year and a half with this company I am getting very angry that they keep promising a raise but not giving it to me, telling me to just wait they are "setting up a new process" or some b.s.
I need to look for other work. I need to feel motivated again. I need to feel appreciated. Or I need to work on my business plans and make one of them a reality. But nothing is as easy as giving into the drug of gambling. When I am gambling I dont worry about anything, maybe it is actually a lot closer to a drug than we realize! I forget everything else, I don't have stress or worry or even do much thinking, I simply act and react, go through the motions. What a crazy drug... you don't have to physically ingest or inject anything and yet you lose all your senses!