I really did not give up on Heinze getting better until today - today I know beyond doubt that my Heinze is not going to ever be well again. I thought just maybe - I had it wrong and that he just needed a good meal and he'd come out of it. That is not how this is. I think what bothers me so much is that I have so much respect for Heinze and that compounds the loss.  He is a gentle, brave soul.  He has been so protective of me over the years and he was so happy with just a walk though the woods or along the bluffs.  He required so little from me to be happy.  Heinze never failed me - not once. I am going to miss him.  I just wish God would take him soon - so he can beat peace.  Vets don't come out this far and he is too big for me to lift into the car.   Tomorrow I am going to offer every vet, within 50 miles, whatever they want, monitarily. if they'll just come out here and put him out of his misery.  He's not in pain - he is just having so much trouble breathing.  I've always been able to make him feel ok before and Ican't do it this time. I guess we protected each other actually.  He is my dear friend.  For God's sake -  I didn't cry this much when my father died - this is really hard.