Even though my problems haven't changed, I feel better. I have done a lot of talking and praying to God and I know he is lifting me up, because He loves me and doesn't like to see me down like I was. I don't think I have said anything about my past in church. I used to be very active in church, I used to sing in the choir and teach Sunday School, I had a stumbling block with my pastor and I have never been the same since then. I know we have to look up to God and not men, but he used to be my counselor also and we got very closed spiritually. I'm really hurt because I had to leave church and haven't found another church that I really like. My faith is still the same, but I wish I could be like before and serve our Lord like I should. Every week I say I'm going to church on sunday, but I don't. Another thing I would like to add is that I am a new born christian and the only protestant in my family, so you can imagine what it's like. I used to be catholic, but I accepted the Lord in a Baptist Church and my whole life started to change. I have done things that I shouldn't do as a christian like dancing, singing and drinking(I used to be a very straight christian) My family doesn't help, they used to call me the fanatic, my mother says that I wanted everybody to go to my church, but all I wanted was my family to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I hope that my friends at DS can understand where I come from, I know I'm not perfect, but I love God and want to serve Him again. Do you have any suggestions? Please, let me know! I love you all very much and I thank you for your prayers. Blessings, Bonchi.
Replies
My dear sweet Bonchi..... first, let me say that I\'m where you are in so many ways in my walk with God. You pretty much described my Christian and family spiritual life in exact nature. I\'m serious ... from not being able to find a Church I\'m comfortable in to my relationship with the man who baptized me in June of 1994 at a baptist Church not far from my home. We were close spiritually also, and things happened with my family life and then they moved and there was no preacher for a while. I used to be a strict (legalistic) Christian after that and tried to abide by \"do\'s and don\'ts\" but my family always told me I was a fanatic in the ways I\'d try to obey the Lord and serve Him. I never sang in a choir, but I\'ve always wanted to.... I\'ve just never found a place I feel comfortable in since 1998. It\'s very lonely when you are the only one in the family to believe (even in your own household), and many times I feel like a failure b/c I\'ve made a lot of mistakes before my family and afraid I caused them to stumble by my actions of anger, and depression, etc... I hope not ... but I don\'t go to Church regularly (even though I tell myself I will every week, but then I don\'t) - sound familiar? I used to teach the 2 yr olds in Sunday School and during Vacation Bible School one yr but then I got sick and couldn\'t do it anymore. I felt like I let everyone down and that made me more depressed. I\'m sorry that you are sad and down, but I do understand and I only wish we could meet together with other believers and worship together some how, but that is not an option, so I guess I will pray for you and will you pray for me - that we will find a real Church family who worships the Lord in Spirit and in Truth like He wants (John 4:23)?
I do love you Bonchi, and I\'m sorry I haven\'t been able to be on here much at a time lately to spend getting to know my sweetest friends (you). Today is another busy day for me. I\'m getting ready to take a shower and then I will drive my neighbor (bonster) to the dr later when she is ready. My car is still not fixed but my husband said I can drive it in town close if I\'m very careful with it... he said he will try to fix it tonight. Sorry that I\'ve probably written you a novel and I\'m not sure if I even answered your concerns.
The only thing I can think that we should do is pray and draw close to God through Bible study and prayer and sing worship music, and then hang in there and not give up when we feel discouraged. Nothing is impossible with God and He wants us to have Christian fellowship as we are able to get out to be with others, and He will provide a way. I will be praying for you and about your family (for their understanding and salvation). Much love, Denise