I'm so freaking mad right now. All I want is someone to talk to but my boyfriend is so tired from working two 10 hour days in a row that he just started bitching at me and won't listen, my friends all try to joke around or tell me that I'm probably still pregnant, which I don't want to hear I just need someone to listen and understand what I'm going through.
I'm so freaking exhausted, my whole body is aching. I keep throwing up everything I freaking eat and I'm so sick and tired of living like this. Every single time I think I have moved past losing Sophia the way I did even a little it's like somebody kicked me right in the face and knocked me back down to where I started. I can't just drop it and walk away SHE WAS AND IS MY ONLY CHILD. SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER AND I HELD HER DEAD BODY IN MY ARMS UNTIL SHE WENT COLD. TELL ME THAT'S NOT A FREAKING HORRIBLE TRAUMA FOR ANYONE TO GO THROUGH MUCH LESS A 19 YEAR OLD WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE.
I'm pissed off! Why couldn't I just bring home my baby girl? I have no family. My mom left me to struggle on my own in the streets my whole life, my only sister watched her boyfriend beat me senseless for years and laughed and my father took off to go chase women. After all that all I asked for was my baby. And I had to bury her. WHY GOD?! WHY?
I feel like I'm just wasting time. And I'm really scared because I went to planned parenthood today and took a pregnancy test because I'm two days late and they said it was negative.
So obviously I'm really freaking sick and my doctors won't listen to me. What if it's something awful? I was so hopeful that I was carrying my little rainbow baby and that everything would be alright and instead I'm sitting here scared half to death I have cancer or something. Oh god here I go on another rant sounding like a crazy bag lady. I totally understand now though how some people can just give up on life and shut down. What is the point of struggling through life just to lose everything you care about?
I'm sorry, I'm so depressing to listen to.
I'm so freaking exhausted, my whole body is aching. I keep throwing up everything I freaking eat and I'm so sick and tired of living like this. Every single time I think I have moved past losing Sophia the way I did even a little it's like somebody kicked me right in the face and knocked me back down to where I started. I can't just drop it and walk away SHE WAS AND IS MY ONLY CHILD. SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER AND I HELD HER DEAD BODY IN MY ARMS UNTIL SHE WENT COLD. TELL ME THAT'S NOT A FREAKING HORRIBLE TRAUMA FOR ANYONE TO GO THROUGH MUCH LESS A 19 YEAR OLD WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE.
I'm pissed off! Why couldn't I just bring home my baby girl? I have no family. My mom left me to struggle on my own in the streets my whole life, my only sister watched her boyfriend beat me senseless for years and laughed and my father took off to go chase women. After all that all I asked for was my baby. And I had to bury her. WHY GOD?! WHY?
I feel like I'm just wasting time. And I'm really scared because I went to planned parenthood today and took a pregnancy test because I'm two days late and they said it was negative.
So obviously I'm really freaking sick and my doctors won't listen to me. What if it's something awful? I was so hopeful that I was carrying my little rainbow baby and that everything would be alright and instead I'm sitting here scared half to death I have cancer or something. Oh god here I go on another rant sounding like a crazy bag lady. I totally understand now though how some people can just give up on life and shut down. What is the point of struggling through life just to lose everything you care about?
I'm sorry, I'm so depressing to listen to.
Replies
what you are going through is completly normal. Your not crazy. I was going through the same before I had my rainbow. I have no family neither. We are here for you if you need to talk to someone.