today

I sat next to the pregnant girl in my class today, again. We were just chatting about finals and blah blah. I mentioned that I was used to the stress considering that I've been in college for over two years and she asked about when I had my baby. She knew that I had been pregnant last year, but for some reason I just couldn't tell her about the stillbirth until today.
It felt good to just BE A MOM!! To have someone to giggle with about how babies stomp on your bladder, about exhaustion and cravings. It felt good to be allowed to talk about my pregnancy and be a normal person, not just some "poor girl" that everyone feels bad for. I got to bond with another mom. Until she found out today.
She's still nice, but I can see that look now... we all know which one. And the I'm sorry-s and the pity. Its sad because i lost that little pretend world where i could talk about pregnancy without being looked at like stillbirth is contagious or something was wrong with me.
This girl is like 6 months along. She was rubbing her tummy today like she was uncomfortable, and I just got this flashback of feeling that. I remember six months, when Sophia was just getting big enough to hurt me when she spun around. When the heaviness gets uncomfortable sometimes and you ALWAYS have to pee.
I almost cried after that, it's not fair. I should have my Angel baby here with me.