scared
Well i saw the specialist today. Apparently women with the blood clotting disorder i have usually have multiple miscarriages in a row. And i will have to inject myself daily below my stomach with blood thinners next time i get pregnant. But the good news is that this specialist isn't sure that i actually have this disorder, so hes testing me again in a month.
So until then I'll be terrified and anxious. I'm just so MAD. if they had found out before i lost Sophia they could have saved her and i wouldn't be worrying so much about my next pergnancy. We were almost there. I'm so scared that I'll never have a healthy pregnancy. What would i do if i lost another baby? This isn't fair.
I don't understand this at all. I don't understand why i was given a baby only to have her snatched away. I didn't even want kids before i got pregnant, I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS?! why would god give me a baby and take her away right when i allowed myself to believe that she would be ok.
And to ice the cake when i told my sister she told me if i ever win the lottery that she'd carry a baby for me. That made me want to cry. i know she meant well but i'm not ready to give up and it hurts so much to think of not being able to have any children on my own. It makes me feel like such a failure as a woman and mother. If i had to choose one thing in the world to have it would be a family. I never would have said that b4 Sophia, but I've changed alot.
But i do love you Sophia, and as soon as i knew you were here i wanted you so much, thats why it hurts so bad. And i do understand that i'm learning a lesson, i'm just not happy about it. xoxo Angel Girl
So until then I'll be terrified and anxious. I'm just so MAD. if they had found out before i lost Sophia they could have saved her and i wouldn't be worrying so much about my next pergnancy. We were almost there. I'm so scared that I'll never have a healthy pregnancy. What would i do if i lost another baby? This isn't fair.
I don't understand this at all. I don't understand why i was given a baby only to have her snatched away. I didn't even want kids before i got pregnant, I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS?! why would god give me a baby and take her away right when i allowed myself to believe that she would be ok.
And to ice the cake when i told my sister she told me if i ever win the lottery that she'd carry a baby for me. That made me want to cry. i know she meant well but i'm not ready to give up and it hurts so much to think of not being able to have any children on my own. It makes me feel like such a failure as a woman and mother. If i had to choose one thing in the world to have it would be a family. I never would have said that b4 Sophia, but I've changed alot.
But i do love you Sophia, and as soon as i knew you were here i wanted you so much, thats why it hurts so bad. And i do understand that i'm learning a lesson, i'm just not happy about it. xoxo Angel Girl
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