Well i dont know were to start iam feeling very angry at the momet got this knot in my belly i cant get rid of i have self harmed to try and get rid of it but its not helped i tryed to slit my wrists the other day but did not cut deep enuff the thoughts of a od are so calming i have started to get my stash of pills together and knowing i have those pills is makig my calm but having the balls to do it is sumthin else my bulimia is starting up again only problem is i keep forgetting to be sick and that pisses me right off cause i dont like what i see in the mirror i want to be thin really thin i hate having these bits of fat everywhere if i cud get a sharp enuff knife i wud cut the fucking fat off myself i hate feelin like this i cant handle feeling like this why iam feeling like this i wish i cud do what my dad did and just take an overdose and end all my pain i dont want to talk to auyone about it cause they dont listen i dont even know why iam feelin like this all i know is aim scared that iam gonna do something and iam not gonna anyone to stop me and thats whats upsets me the most nothaving someone their for me i know not being here wud benifit so many people in so many ways iam a berdan to my family to my husband and to my friends so dying is my only way out the only way to kill my pain
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